The Good of being Sad

As I type this, I'm trying to catch my breath as a sniffling hot mess, with tears rolling down my face.

I'm upset. And that's ok.

Ask anyone, and they'll say I'm a pretty happy-go-lucky and optimistic person. Imagine a kangaroo in Disneyland - that's me. 

I've also know and constantly remind myself how fortunate I am and my life is. I've got a roof over my head, friends and family who support me emotionally and financially, and more clothes than a 6-year-old's Barbie doll.

But sometimes you just feel down in life, and being and staying upbeat when you're not feeling like that, can take it's toll. 

To be honest, I don't think January Blues are helping either.

My dad isn't one to always show his emotions or when he's upset, and growing up, if I were to shed a tear or two, I would instantly be told to stop it, or asked what on earth I was crying about. And to be fair, I am an absolute sucker when it comes to soppy heartfelt movies and I wasn't very good at being in control of my emotions when I was a hormonal teenager with a long-distance boyfriend.
But I'm quite the opposite to my dad- if I think you're great, you'll receive limitless hugs to show it, and you don't even want to see the state I get in when I watch the first 15 minutes of 'Up'.

Having my head screwed on a bit more now though, tears are a rarer occasion, but dear lord, these past couple of days they've crept up on me, and today, I've just burst out into tears for no logical reason.
And I've come to realized that that's fine. 

If you're feeling shit, then dear god, let yourself feel shit.

Showing emotions doesn't mean you're weak, it means you care. And crying doesn't mean you've failed, it means you're human.

(WARNING: going to get all philosophical and soppy on your asses)

Life is a fucking weird, wonderful and bumpy ride with a endless spectrum of emotions. So with the hysterical laughter fits, there's gotta be some sob fests in there too, otherwise how would you appreciate the amazing-ness of all the good bits?

There's not really a purpose to this post. I'm not writing this so that people can pity me, but I'm writing it because sometimes a good ol' cry can do you the world of good, and you shouldn't be ashamed of it. And people should know that and not be ashamed of it.

But my god I'm not going to wallow in it. I've stopped off at the sobbing station and have sat down there for a coffee, but I'm not renting out a B&B for a week there. After I've finished my coffee, I'm putting on my kicks - yes I said kicks - and continuing on my run into the sunset. 

(What on earth is this analogy I've come up with).

Let those tears flow, have a cup of tea, or a G&T or two, and then fix up and carry on as the sparkly, fantastic person that you are.

Stay happy! - or not, stay whatever you're goddamn feeling.
Until next time,
A.x

Week by Numbers: graduation 2.0

This week has been pretty much centered around my graduation, so unsurprisingly, that's what a lot of my favourite things have been about.

7 favourites...

1.) Lo and behold boys & girls, but lil' old me now had 2 degrees! Amy Lo, MA & BA - which as my brother points out, I now have more letters behind my name than in my a chula surname... 

This is my 2nd graduation, but someone i felt more emotional and excited about it. As I've mentioned before, I have somewhat of a connection and love with Sheffield, so celebrating the time I spent there, with all that I had achieved and learnt with the people I've met there, just made me really happy. It was just the most lovely day, every part of it that I think back to, brings a smile to me face.

2.) And this sense of happiness wasn't just felt by me, but walking out in my silly hat, with my certificate in hand, to see my dad with the biggest grin across his face just oozing with - what I assume is pride - made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Thanks for all you've done and your support Mama & Pops, I'll never be able to tell you enough.

3.) And the happiness trickles to my friends, who I genuinely do not know how I would've gotten through this year without. And what better way to celebrate our achievements together than by going out in they city we bonded, and clink some glasses together and dance madly around to Proud Mary and Christina Aguilera.

4.) During said night out, me and my friend Kim went skipping around the dance floor, providing a social service of sorts to humanity, stressing the importance of appreciating your best friends (after locking both of us in one toilet cubicle and telling each other how much we love one another haha). Our speech went like so: "Do you have a best friend? Do you connect with them? We're best friends and we connect all the time! CHERISH YOUR BEST FRIEND!" It may have been the Desperados talking, but I wholeheartedly stand by this statement. Don't take your besties for granted yo!

5.) Graduation also made me realise how many people care about me, which sounds stupid, but we kind of just trot along with life and sometimes forget to let people know how much they mean to us and how much we appreciate them - and that's coming from a pretty sentimental gal. But between friends whopping for me when I went on stage, to my brothers texting congrats and other soppy things to me, I'm one lucky bunny who's has a lot of love and support.

6.) If that wasn't enough - what else does a girl need?! - I also received a pretty, amazing and extravagant graduation which left me pretty giddy and speechless. When I graduated last time, my parents wanted to get my something as a present for all my hard work, but there was nothing that I really wanted or needed, so I said don't bother. This time, they took it upon themselves and this beautiful floral leather jacket from Mulberry is now mine for keeps!

7.) And what do you after graduation when you're pretty badly hungover? Binge on yet another series on Netlfix of course. This time round, it's Brooklyn Nine Nine, which when I first saw the adverts of, I wasn't too keen on and thought it was trying too hard, but my god, was I wrong. It's brilliantly written and the cast are fantastic. The humour's sharp, clever and witty, and there's a bonkers and amazing character for everyone to fall in love with. I watched the whole 1st series in one day, and my crush on Andy Samberg has also gone from pretty pedestrian to ridiculous. 

3 thoughts...

"How can I still be obsessed and listen to George Ezra's album non-stop from beginning to end a whole flipping year later?! God I love that boy and that voice..."

"Ahhh I'm so happy and all these people make me happy and I don't want graduation to end!"

"This is horrific and I'm not going to drink ever again and I just want this day to end so the suffering can stop."

1 outfit...

top:ASOS, skirt:ASOS, bag:Next, shoes:ASOS

Since this week has been graduation based, why stop here? Along with my gap and gown silly hat and cape, I had a silver and black embellished, pastel blue co-ord outfit on, along with what are now turning into my favourite heels. They're strappy, spotty and glittery - such fun! Much like this bag. Who said graduations had to be serious?!

How was your week?

Stay happy!

Until next time...

A.x

Sheffield: 100% Me

I always think of Sheffield as my 2nd hometown. And I only lived there for 1 year of my life.

And I think that's because when I moved to Sheffield. That's when I really became, me.

I like to think I'm a pretty outgoing person who's assured of who I am, and this isn't to say that I wasn't myself up until that point, I definitely was and have never to pretend I was anything else but me. But I just think, I didn't fully let out that every single 100% of me, just in case people didn't like it. So I kept a bit of that madness bottled up in a sparkly jar.

I've lived in the same place I grew up in all up until the point I left home and went to Uni.

When I left for Uni, I was absolutely terrified and scared as hell. My friends and family were all I knew, and the thought of not being around the same people that I'd been around for all my life, everyday as I had done, frankly scared the flower embroidered socks off of me.

I ended up depending and finding security in my boyfriend at the time, when I moved to Uni. He was familiar and comforting, and a person and an emotion that I knew. And to be honest, I didn't fully immerse myself in the whole uni life and experience in that time, because I was trying to hold on to THAT part of my life so much. Like a child who won't get off the swings.

Then when we broke up, I kind of did the same with my flatmates. I'd grown to know that and them, and they ended up being my new security blanket I guess.

So when I moved to Sheffield for my postgrad, it was all completely brand-spanking new. I was moving to a new city where I didn't know anyone. There was no-one I was emotionally attached to that I could depend on, and I was going to be moving into a flat with a bunch of strangers. 

And just like a kid who's scared of the 1st day of school, at 21 years old, I was getting ready for my 1st day, and worried I wasn't going to make any friends and have to eat lunch on my own everyday for a year, and hide in my room away from my flat full of people who didn't want to watch Friends with me. The horror.
I even took a ribbon bow out of my hair before I left the flat because I thought no-one would want to go talk to THAT girl.

A year later, it turns out that some people flipping love that girl.

Who'd have thunk it?

I ended up with a whole new bunch of friends who I know will be for life, lived with a bunch of people that went from going to weekly pub quizzes together, to chats until 2am in our kitchen, and met my kindred spirit of a best friend within the first 2 days.

I danced ridiculously at clubs. I let the cackle come out of my life.  I talked to people more honestly. And I was more honest with myself. There were some emotionally hiccups along the way, but by golly Miss.Molly, did they make me be more honest with myself when it came to my feelings when I came out the other side of the tunnel - if you're going to mess me around, then I sure as hell don't want to be around for you to mess with.

And when I watched Lousie from Sprinkle of Glitter talk about what Liverpool means to her, it's exactly the same.

When I think back at what I was like when I moved to Sheffield, to what I was like when I left, I wouldn't say I changed, but I just let more of myself come through. I came into 100% of myself.

And as my bestie said when I told her how much I love and miss Sheffield because of these reasons, she said:
"I think that city was just so suited to your personality, that you just shone."

I couldn't agree with her more.

Sheffield. I love you, you bonkers Northern beauty.
And you'll always have a special place in this equally as bonkers girl's heart.

Stay happy!

Until next time...

A.x

Week by Numbers: 2015, bums & runs

The start of my 2015 has been a fun, relaxed and clumsy one.

7 favourites...

1.) First things first (I'm the realest - god, I'm funny...), I welcomed in 2015 singing 'Auld Lang Syne' (or as one of my friends thought it was 'Good King Wenceslas' haha), without knowing any of the words and hugging each other. We all sat round and had dinner and I looked around thinking how the bunch of teenagers with rave paint on their faces drinking Apple Sourz at raves, had grown up to have such a sophisticated evening. That was until the boys did their annual new years naked run, and we stood on top of sofas serenading Disney songs to one another. Perfect.

2.) Just like 'The I.T Crowd' before, I'm as late to this party as the White Rabbit is to a very important date. But this week's binge that I've had on Netflix is 'The Peep Show', and OMG it's so ridiculous and hilarious. I've caught bits of it before when friends have raved about it, but didn't really get it, and now I just want the last series 9 to start up so I can be reunited with Mark's cynicism and Jeremy's drugged-up puppy dog nature.

3.) I've also had a bit of  a Joseph Gordon-Levitt film marathon. From the 1st time I laid eyes on him in '500 Days of Summer' to his vlogs for HitRecord, to watching Don Jon recently - which is a hilarious plot with a out-of-the-box concept - and my god, I love that charismatic and gorgeous man at the best of times, but his BODY in it is something of a masterpiece.

4.) Just feast your eyes on this Dolce & Gabbana bag and all it's adorable beauty. The perfect partnership of the cute and the classic. *Sigh* One day my precious...

5.) I'm terrible with haircuts (if I get 4 a year, that's good going), and I have a love-hate relationship with my fringe. But every time I get it back, I fall in love with it all over again. Also, can I wake up with my hair ready with blow-dry every morning so it looks like this? Pretty please?

6.)  I've always been a massive gym bunny until last year, when I didn't really like the gym at my uni with all the posers there. And I wanted to get out and explore the nooks and crannys or Sheffield, so, I started running, and really liked stepping away from the texting and not think about anything for an hour. But for some reason, when I was working in London, the yoga stayed, but the running stopped. But it's time I started again, and when you get to see this view on your run, thing's ain't too shabby.

7.) I dropped my laptop. I dropped my beautiful MacBook Pro and the screen is cracked, and I'm so clumsy that I shouldn't be allowed nice things. What an expensive mistake to make...

3 thoughts...

"You don't like Christmas?! Well, this isn't going to work out is it..."

"OH SHIT NO PLEASE DON'T BE BROKEN PLEASE I BEG OF YOU"

"Can I wear a tutu to graduation..?"

1 outfit...

dress:Topshop, shoes:ASOS, glitter:Topshop, sparkly charm:My very own!

NYE. A little white dress, with raised lace-like detail and cut-outs, completed with a pair of strappy, pastel heels and glitter on my face - which my friend commented that he liked it because "not many people wear glitter these days, it's out of the ordinary!" Bowie, eat your heart out.

How's your first week of 2015 been?

Stay happy!

Until next time...

A.x

Step into Christmas!

When the 1st of December rolls around, I am Little Miss.Christmas.

The Christmas jumper will be on, the festive songs will be on full blast and I will have already eaten a whole box of mince pies.

My and my 2 housemates that I lived with at uni (they're becoming a bit of a regular feature on here now aren't they?) used to have a yearly tradition to go to Winter Wonderland every winter, and forget about all our deadlines and other uni-related stresses, while eating chocolate covered churros and soak in all the festive fairy lights.

However last year this tradition got broken due to all of us being silly-busy. And the thing is the times we did go to Winter Wonderland, yeah we felt all festive and fuzzy inside, but honestly, we didn't do THAT much.

So this year, we ventured onto new pastures, and hopped on over to Winterville at Victoria Park. And boy, did we do lots of activities!

We devoured into crab burgers (mine had pickled cucumbers, chili and wasabi mayo in - yum!), sipped on hot toddys and mulled wine to keep us warm, laughed like mad as we got spun round like mad on fairground rides, and then, we only went along and did one of my favourite fun things.

Roller-skating.

Ever since me and Hannah went one summer (here - deja vu!), I wanted to get better at it and after buying my own roller skates at a bargin, I have a blast on them! 

I'm still no pro, I mean, there were guys and gals there dancing around on them, and I just stared at them in awe. And they, are my aim.

Dressed in a Christmas jumper (naturally)...

And a great big lilac tutu - because why not...

And my Ace of Hearts at hand, we scooted along. 

I mean, when your outfit of the day is this...

...life's pretty great.

After wearing ourselves out like a couple of kids running around in the park, we made out way home, and as we were walking to the station, a guy behind me said, "Excuse me. My little girl was just telling me how much she loved your skirt and wanted me to tell you!" 

Isn't that the sweetest thing! It brought a big smile onto my face, but if only she knew how much room I took up on the tube home...

Do you know why I love Christmas so much? 

Yes, stuffing yourself silly with food is fantastic.
Yes, wrapping up presents for others makes me feel like an excited lil' elf (and getting gifts ain't too shabby either).
Yes, the tinkling lights and cheesy songs make me feel all sparkly and magical - even more so than usual.
And yes, spending time with the ones you love is something that is priceless.
But at Christmas, everyone seems to band together. Everyone just seems, nicer somehow. Friendlier. You forget all your troubles, squabbles, worries and stresses that you may have, and just let go.

What your favourite thing about Christmas?

Stay happy!
Until next time,
A.x