Sunday, 28 February 2016

11 reasons to swipe the hell left on Tinder

Once upon a time, I was swiping left and right on my phone like nobody's business

There were cute boys to chat to, who were saying silly-nice things to me until I resembled the blushing face emoji…what’s not to be on board with eh?

But sadly, the Tinder fairytale wasn’t meant to be. After deleting and re-downloading the app more times than a reality tv star promotes their workout DVD - usually when I’ve ran out of memory on my camera roll and then when I’m feeling hungover and needy on a rainy Sunday - I decided to banish it out of my life once and for all at the end of summer last year.
 (well, apart from logging in again for these screenshots - research and all)

And it’s not surprising to see why…

1.) Same shit, different day

Yeah, sliding your thumb from side-to-side is pretty easy and fun at times. But when you’re on a packed train and have stayed working late, the last thing on my mind is typing out one meaningless small talk after another, which took 20 left-swiped creeps to get to.

2.) It can be cringe-central

As someone who loves nothing more than a good pun, a cheesy line sadly does make me laugh more than it should but...even for a punster like me, there's a limit. Sometimes, it's just all too gouda to be true...

3.) Sometimes it's like talking to a robot
Hi, no I don't know what a girl like me is doing in a place like this, and yes I do like to have a fun time (you mean going roller-skating right?). I have a feeling that a strong case of copy and pasting is in use here.

4.) Sometimes it's racially questionable

I meannn.... Thanks? I think?

5.) Sometimes people are straight to the point

Short and sweet eh?

6.) And sometimes people are just looking for one thing (surprise surprise) least they know what they're there for?! I’m don't have a fucking clue: A pretty face or a pretty decent conversation?! I get my ego stroked for a good while before feeling just a bit empty gonna be honest.

7.) It goes nowhere 
Might as well be on MSN and asking "wuu2?...nm, u?", while in my head, screaming 'WHY HAVEN'T YOU ASKED TO ACTUALLY MEET ME YET'

8.) You’re guilt-tripped for not wanting it to go anywhere

Sometimes, a handsome face lures you in, but the chat just isn't quite your cup of tea, which y'know, HAPPENS. Cus that's life. So you politely decline instead of lying or ghosting them (the absolute worst FYI). And for your honesty, you're met with cries of "WTF"', "are you serious" and "c'mon it's only fair".

9.) You’re constantly checking your phone
"Sorry, you were telling me about your day but I wasn't paying attention cus I was seeing if Tom the photographer who's 10 km away with the piercing green eyes has messaged me back."

10.) You’ve always got a low battery
As if liking photos on Instagram and Snapchatting your Friday night dancing along to Destiny’s Child didn’t drain your battery enough.

11.) You miss out on real life
Yep. I've been guilty of checking my phone more than I should, but it never got in the way and replaced my actual life. I’ve been out before at clubs, pubs, parties, get-togethers, and seen people just swiping away on their phones at the bar or in the corner on their own, away from all the interaction and people who are physically there. And that just makes me feel a bit sad y’know?

I’ve fallen in love with First Dates (along with the rest of the country) and as well as the show making me feel all smushy and in love with love, one of my biggest irks about it is when people appear on and have a whole tick-list of what they want in their perfect partner. Not to put a downer on things, but, aren’t you kinda setting yourself up for disappointment?
Going into a first date with an open-mind and open-heart is the only way to! And yeah, it might not go well or include more than it's fair share of awkward silences, but that’s OK!
(How else are you going to fill that autobiography of yours with fun anecdotes?)

My read at the moment is the always-funny Aziz Ansari’s Modern Romance, and he’s hit the nail on the head with how I feel about about this who Tinder malarky:

“I would rather put myself in those social situations than get exhausted…While we may think we know what we want, we're often wrong.
There's not a dating service on this planet that can do what the human brain can do in terms of finding the right person."


Now, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Tinder or any dating app - I went on some dates, met some nice people that I got on with from it, and have friends who are in kickass relationships from it - and I hope y’all have better luck or fun on it on your search for your Tinderella or whatever it is you're on there for.

 But for me? Afraid I'm swiping left on it - I’m having a whale of a time with the fun and cringe of my real life.

Until next time...
Stay happy!

Thursday, 18 February 2016

18 times the The Powerpuff Girls was way too real

The Powerpuff Girls were my jam back in the day. That theme song. The striped dress. THOSE GIRLS.
And what with the freelance lifestyle I'm living and the Netflix subscription I'm repping, I'm not gonna lie - I've been reliving my childhood and indulginging in some PPG marathons. And oh my, has it been glorious. 

If you thought the cartoon was pretty fab when you were 6-years-old and watching it on a Saturday morning in your pjs, then get ready to have your mind blown as an adult over the innuendos, cheeky jokes and actual life lessons it contains. Honestly. It's a bit TOO real.
Don't believe me? Just take a look for yourself...

1.) First thing's first, TRUTH.
No further comments needed.... (LOL)

2.) Confrontation is awkward as FUCK
Coming from someone who notoriously shies away from confrontation, you can go from mumbling idiot to blurting out your feelings in about 0 to 60.

3.) Diets are a fad
Kinda wanna look like a Victoria's Secret model. Kinda wanna eat burgers and fries. The struggle is so very real.

4.) Just you do you babes, and that's all that matters
That only person that is allowed an opinion on your life, what you do with it and how you live it is, well, YOU.

5.) Sometimes your hair will just have a life of it's own
No amount of serum of twists around your curler will sort out that sitch. You've just gotta put it down as a bad hair day and move on. 

6.) Never judge a book by it's cover
You wouldn't want someone to do that to you right? So don't do that to others! Everyone's living their own life their own way.

7.) You don't have to prove yourself to anyone
 If you being you isn't good enough for them, well, that just means they're definitely not worth your time.

8.) The internet has the answer for everything
Google that shit.

9.) Gender equality is a tough ol' thing
It's getting better, but it's oh boy, is it still a bit of a struggle. 

10.) Admit to your flaws
We all have them and the best thing you can do is embrace them and explore ways you can improve on them.

11.) Some people are just dicks, and you'll never know why
If only we would just nice to one another, the world would be such a better place! It's so simple it hurts.

12.) Don't let people kill your vibe

12.) Early mornings never get easier
Caffeine please, PRONTO.

13.) Zzz is oh-so-important
It's more than just beauty sleep. It's essential and keeps-you-sane sleep.

14.) You should embrace your feelings - even when they're shit ones
With the fab times, comes the shit times, and when those times roll around, just allow yourself to feel down in the dumps for a bit. It'll get better again in no time.

15.) And whatever you do, DON'T bottle those feelings up!
Vent, baby, vent.

16.) It's important to make time to take care of yourself
Treat yo'self and love yo'self.

17.) You'll never please everyone
Not everyone's your cup of tea, so you're not gonna be everyone's. There's plenty of people who love you and those who don't? They can just slide on by.

18.) And you can never go wrong with being nice

Until next time,

Friday, 12 February 2016

14 things I'll never EVER understand

There's some things in life that I've learned to love or love to learn about - coriander, the taste of beer, how to make pasta - but there's just some things that I don't think I'll ever be able to grasp. 

I feel like I'm failing at life by not knowing these things but I just don't think I'll ever understand. At all. And that's just something I'm gonna have to live with, sigh.

1.) How to do the monkey bars
Or a hand-stand or cartwheel for that matter. Upper arm strength has never been and never will be my strong point, so please, never challenge me to an arm wrestle. It'll just end in me crying and with broken muscles.

2.) People looking fabulous when they leave the airport
You've just been suspended in a metal tin in the sky for hours, where the recycled air is not your skin's best friend. HOW on earth is your make-up flawless, your hair on point and are you strutting through airport security like a Victoria's Secret angel in stilettos, while I look like a shrivelled-up jacket potato?

3.) Why I like tequila so much
I honestly and whole-heartedly enjoy drinking tequila, not just to shot down as a quick-fix way to get drunk (and definitely without salt and lime please). 

4.) How people don't like Disney/Breakfast Club/Friends
I! Sorry. Get out. We can't co-exist like this.

5.) How Cher Horowitz managed to pull off THIS all-time fave look
If you know me, you'll know my infinite love for Cher and all things fluffy and Clueless related. On paper, a long sheer shirt, worn over a argyle miniskirt with a cropped knitted tank top on top...sounds like absolute madness and believe me, I've tried it - and I looked like a golfer who'd stolen a blouse off their mum, who's a teacher and shrunken their jumper in the wash. But on screen? Oh baby, it's an outfit of dreams.

6.) Why some people are such dicks

JUST DON'T. Let's all just be nice humans y'all!

7.) Why people dislike pop music
It's pop music because it's popular, and if that's the only reason you're hating on it, then quit being such a hipster spoilsport - it's just some fun! I know you dance along to Carly Rae Jepson alone in your room like the rest of us.

8.) Why I can never cook Chinese food as well as my dad
He's taught me just how he does it, but when I leave the Lo household and try to recreate it back in my own abode, following the instructions to the tee, it just doesn't taste anywhere near as good. It's aiiiight, but IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME. Whyyyy.

9.) How Adele talks like this...
and sings like THIS
It's one of the most beautiful mysteries of the world.

10.) The most efficient way to pee with a jumpsuit on
Basically, there isn't one. You're either completely naked in a cubicle trying not to let your playsuit touch the sticky floor. Or if you're wearing shorts, you decide for once you're just going to manoeuvre your outfit strategically and you'll have finally have cracked this conundrum once and for all.
All it means is that you end up peeing on yourself and you wonder why you ever thought this was a good idea.

11.) Putting on mascara without pulling a face
I've tried. Oh man, have I tried.

12.) How much pasta to cook
It's always either the amount you would feed a small child, or enough for an army (which you'll envietably end up eating all of it anyway, cus, y'know...PASTA). 

13.) Just how much to filling to put inside a fajita
Maybe I'm just greedy. Maybe I've got bad perception. But I always fill my fajitas and it ends up overspilling, but I still think I can eat it, and before you know it, there's guacamole in my lap and everyone else at the dinner table has left me and my mess.

14.) How to NOT have wispy baby hairs when I put my hair up
I can't put up my hair up in a ponytail without at least a dozen kirby grips in it to stop my looking like Albert Einstein after an electric shock. ARIANA GRANDE TEACH ME YOUR WAYS.

Until next time...