Friday, 12 February 2016

14 things I'll never EVER understand

There's some things in life that I've learned to love or love to learn about - coriander, the taste of beer, how to make pasta - but there's just some things that I don't think I'll ever be able to grasp. 

I feel like I'm failing at life by not knowing these things but I just don't think I'll ever understand. At all. And that's just something I'm gonna have to live with, sigh.

1.) How to do the monkey bars
Or a hand-stand or cartwheel for that matter. Upper arm strength has never been and never will be my strong point, so please, never challenge me to an arm wrestle. It'll just end in me crying and with broken muscles.

2.) People looking fabulous when they leave the airport
You've just been suspended in a metal tin in the sky for hours, where the recycled air is not your skin's best friend. HOW on earth is your make-up flawless, your hair on point and are you strutting through airport security like a Victoria's Secret angel in stilettos, while I look like a shrivelled-up jacket potato?

3.) Why I like tequila so much
I honestly and whole-heartedly enjoy drinking tequila, not just to shot down as a quick-fix way to get drunk (and definitely without salt and lime please). 

4.) How people don't like Disney/Breakfast Club/Friends
I! Sorry. Get out. We can't co-exist like this.

5.) How Cher Horowitz managed to pull off THIS all-time fave look
If you know me, you'll know my infinite love for Cher and all things fluffy and Clueless related. On paper, a long sheer shirt, worn over a argyle miniskirt with a cropped knitted tank top on top...sounds like absolute madness and believe me, I've tried it - and I looked like a golfer who'd stolen a blouse off their mum, who's a teacher and shrunken their jumper in the wash. But on screen? Oh baby, it's an outfit of dreams.

6.) Why some people are such dicks

JUST DON'T. Let's all just be nice humans y'all!

7.) Why people dislike pop music
It's pop music because it's popular, and if that's the only reason you're hating on it, then quit being such a hipster spoilsport - it's just some fun! I know you dance along to Carly Rae Jepson alone in your room like the rest of us.

8.) Why I can never cook Chinese food as well as my dad
He's taught me just how he does it, but when I leave the Lo household and try to recreate it back in my own abode, following the instructions to the tee, it just doesn't taste anywhere near as good. It's aiiiight, but IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME. Whyyyy.

9.) How Adele talks like this...
and sings like THIS
It's one of the most beautiful mysteries of the world.

10.) The most efficient way to pee with a jumpsuit on
Basically, there isn't one. You're either completely naked in a cubicle trying not to let your playsuit touch the sticky floor. Or if you're wearing shorts, you decide for once you're just going to manoeuvre your outfit strategically and you'll have finally have cracked this conundrum once and for all.
All it means is that you end up peeing on yourself and you wonder why you ever thought this was a good idea.

11.) Putting on mascara without pulling a face
I've tried. Oh man, have I tried.

12.) How much pasta to cook
It's always either the amount you would feed a small child, or enough for an army (which you'll envietably end up eating all of it anyway, cus, y'know...PASTA). 

13.) Just how much to filling to put inside a fajita
Maybe I'm just greedy. Maybe I've got bad perception. But I always fill my fajitas and it ends up overspilling, but I still think I can eat it, and before you know it, there's guacamole in my lap and everyone else at the dinner table has left me and my mess.

14.) How to NOT have wispy baby hairs when I put my hair up
I can't put up my hair up in a ponytail without at least a dozen kirby grips in it to stop my looking like Albert Einstein after an electric shock. ARIANA GRANDE TEACH ME YOUR WAYS.

Until next time...

1 comment:

  1. That Cher Horowitz look has always been my all-time favourite too btw. Great post!