Tuesday, 29 September 2015

16 signs that you're morphing into a Londoner

The other day, as I got to the platform feeling a bit bleary-eyed after a couple of drinks after work, all I dreamt of was getting home and collapsing onto my bed...only to just to see the train pull away.
"No biggie" I thought, and looked up to the board to see the next one was in 3 minutes.
Three. Whole. Minutes. What.
 Before I knew it, I found myself puffing and sighing under my breath. And at that point I know what had happened. Yep. I'd turned into a flipping Londoner.

And that's not the only glimpse that I've had that I've realised that I'm morphing into a one of those city types down in that there London...
1.) You become REAL impatient
We may be the nation that queues, but just like the 3 minute tube incident, you just ain't got no time for anyone or anything. Someone walking slightly slower than you in front of you? You overtake with fury while all that poor sucker was doing was enjoying the sights of their holiday.

2.) "Sorry, I'm busy this weekend - I'm off to another pop-up activity/exhibition/bar"
Yep. Welcome to the club. You've become one of those dickheads who does wacky and ridiculously niche things but you just can't help it. THERE'S JUST SO MUCH FUN TO BE HAD DAGNAMMIT!

3.) To the left, to the left
You find yourself judging people who are standing at on the left hand side of the escalator
"Move to the right hand side of the escalator please people! I'm running 5 mins late to work and I'm carrying a bag with a my packed lunch and an umbrella in it and I'm not afraid to use it!"
That is, until the one time you rush down the left hand side and get your bag caught and end up tumbling down them in a sitcom fashion. Yep. That happened.

4.) You get angry at people who don't Oyster card out and ready
You know there's going to be a gate you have to go through, right? But then you feel instantly terrible because it's just a poor parents who taken their kids down to see all the sites for the weekend, and as if keeping 2 kids in order wasn't overwhelming enough, they now have you tutting at them for not having their ticket out RIGHT AWAY. Shame on you.

5.) You avoid Oxford Street like the plague
Imma stay at home and buy that birthday present online thanks. I'll just end up angry, irritated and being a moody cow adn no-one wins.

6.) Everything's either too far or just down the line
"You're East? Oh, I'm West...yeah...sorry, this isn't going to work out between us. It's not you, it's me. No wait. IT'S LONDON." But while my love life might have taken a few hits through Zone dilemmas, apparently I will travel far and wide for food and booze. Food festival all the way over at Ally Pally? Karaoke in Hoxton? Gin bar in Greenwich?? I'm there! Just give me 45 minutes...

7.) Remember that thing called personal space? 
That vanished long ago when that drunk guy on the tube feel asleep on your shoulder, or when you your face got pushed up into that person's armpit on your commute.

8.) You dread people outside of London asking you about rent
While you think you're rent's pretty decent talking to others in London, as soon as you leave the big smoke bubble, you realise that it's not.... Yes, I know that with the amount I pay I could probably put a down-payment on a house and get on the property ladder somewhere else in the country, but right now in my life, there's no place I'd rather live and frolic around in. You do you, I'll do me, kay?

9.) Your concept of what's affordable is messed up
"£2 for a bottle of water?! That's preposterous! Water's a human right!.....£20 for a mini lobster burger dipped in a wasabi mayo and a pint? Oh, and there's a queue? Yeah sure!" Priorities am I right?...

10.) You're an absolute boss when it comes to walking
Didn't think there was anything more to walking than putting one foot in front of another? Well, no you dodge round people like it's a slalom course, pivoting on your feet and everything (glad to see those netball skills still come in use)

11.) You're a master of navigating your way home when you're drunk or hungover
Need to locate the nearest tube stop from the pub, get there before the last tube and in under the time that Google Maps that says it takes? No problem. Even after 5 G&Ts in, I promise we'll get there. It's amazing what auto-pilot mode you can get into when you've got booze on your side (or not in the case of the morning after the night before)

12.) That being said, you still rely on Citymapper like a bitch
I can confirm that it is possible to get lost using GPS, and for you to be 15 minutes late because you walked past the place you were supposed to be about 5 times before realising that you'd reached your destination.

13.) You DREAD seeing the 'seek assistance' sign flashing at the tube gate
Having to scour away from the gate and try another gate, or worse yet, having to find the staff while everyone tuts at you and walks into you. Getting heart palpitations just thinking about it...

14.) You have the superpower to Tetris-fit your way into any tube carriage
No matter how over-crowded it is, you'll find some way to fit yourself in there. Cus gosh darn-it, if you have to wait another 3 minutes for the next time...

15.) But equally, you get hella creeped out when a tube carriage is empty...
What in fresh hell is this ghost town?! It feels far too weird not having someone accidentally fall into me as the train stops - Is there a party going on that I missed a memo on...

16.) You say 'Have a nice day' and someone still seems surprised
You tell someone to have a lovely weekend, or ask that girl that her shoes are amazing, and they seem so shocked by olive branch of human contact that they're a bit taken aback. And then you realise you're not THAT terrible stereotype that everyone thinks people in London are like - you know the one where they think everyone's grumpy and no-one talks to one another?
 (Yeah, it's pretty much a load of boo hockey - yeah, some people ARE like that, but they're probably just mardy anyhow y'know?)
Yes you might run up the escalators like a man person to get to the tube, but you also run after that man in the park to tell him how cute his puppy is.

Until next time...
Speak happy!

Saturday, 12 September 2015

All-out August

We’re in the middle of September. What is happening with 2015. In the blink of an eye, I’ve had to store away all remnants of tropical playsuits, and whack out the mountain of trusty tights.

But before we slip into the knitwear, I squeezed the very last bit of the summer sunshine out of my wardrobe - oh, and hopped over to Milan to soak up some of the Italian sun too.

With British summers being what they are, the weather it always somewhat unreliable to do what it says on the tin and actually be summer. So you’ve got to be prepared with some brightly coloured suede jackets to keep the breeze at bay. And if that’s not enough, with a sassy and striped tee that says Bugger Off, the weather should get the message and buck up it’s idea.
And when that happens, time to make the most of it with the most tropical and most plunging thing you own in your wardrobe surely? 
When else are you going to be able to wear such a sunny number?

Oh, in Milan I guess - where deep plunges are always welcome. Especially when they’re in the form of a striped jumpsuit that makes you feel all John Travolta a la Saturday Night Fever.
But when it’s 35 degree heat, you just feel like wearing as little extra clothe on you as possible, and sometimes that just means a mini dress with a barely-there strappy back. Beware though. If you team it with a high pony, tortoise-shell platforms and glittery and glorious Miu Miu shades, your mate might tell you that you look like a Bratz Doll.
And then tell you that you look like Candyfloss Sandy from Grease when you walk home from the opera with a oversized glittery bow in your ponytail, and swish around in your floral pink skirt. 
But really, when it’s that hot, nothing can beat splashing in the water in your pastel-drenched bikini. 
Which just happens to match the rest of your stuff that you packed for your holiday - lucky that ain’t it?
What is missing form that pastel-themed dream though, are some oriental inspired patterns in culottes form. They will 100% do the trick in keeping you looking somewhat put-together as you laugh you way through summer.
But hey - who needs to looks stylish and sensible when there’s also pom-pom shoes, initialled bags and dungarees on offer? What a combo.
Inevitably though, the temperature will start to drop. And when that happens, it’s time to dust off the over-the-knee boots. And may i suggest a suede playsuit to go with them? They go brillliantly along with some metal accessories as well, in particular a handbag and big ol’ golden heart belt.
And if that's not enough, an amethyst tiara will make everything right again.
And when you’ve got all that, you might just get someone asking you why you look so cute? 

Stay happy!
Until next time...

Sunday, 6 September 2015

13 cartoon characters who are style inspirations

Beyonce, Cara Delevinge, Victoria Beckham - it's all very well and good having style inspirations and constantly double-tapping looks that you're digging on Instagram. But remember when you were a little sprout of a human being and didn't even know what 'fashion' and 'style' were? You turned to your fave fictional friends when deciding whether to wear your tutu or turn-ups for a day of play.

Think it's time we showed a bit of loving and looked at our childhood chums to inspire our wardrobes once more!

Gadget from Chip ‘n’ Dale Rescue Rangers
No-one works a jumpsuit and crop top quite like Gadget. Functional fashion at its finest, this lil’ chip not only looked cute as a button in sweet shades of sugarplum purple and pink, but she also knew how to fix a plane or two. And yes, only she can pull off those goggles unfortunately. The rest of us would just look like part of steampunk movement…

Lola Bunny from Space Jam
This bunny could run circles round you on the court, while swooshing her ponytail – I mean, bunnytail – and looking effortlessly cool while doing so. Taking sportswear as fashion to a whole new level in her Toon Squad co-ord set, she could give off-duty Cara Delevigne and Kendall Jenner a run for their money. And can someone tell me how she doesn’t get a sweaty fringe while doing all this hopping around please? Bane of my life.

 The Ashleys from Recess
These girls may have been like the Mean Girls of the playground, but their outfits were the Clueless equivalent of the animated world and could teach Cher Horowitz a thing or two.

Yellow plaid and fluff-lined cuffs on cardigans. My magpie-like tendencies for all things kitsch are a-tingling.

Jane Lane from Daria
Jane was basically the bad-ass girl I longed to be as a goody two-shoes kid. That ear jewellery. That sharp black bob cut. Those boots! Her signature red shirt that she probably just threw on as she woke up and strolled into school late with her backpack slinged onto her back. Too cool for school. Literally.

Clarice from Two Chips and a Miss
This cartoon somehow being a staple in my childhood and I just remember being in absolute awe of Clarice singing on that piano, in what I now recognise as quite a weird, sultry Jessica-rabbit-esque way...as a chipmunk... But! Nonetheless, that doesn't erase the fact that that pale yellow necklaces and head crown are just fabulous. Especially when worn with a strapless bodycon LBD (little blue dress).

Daisy Duck
My love for bows and pastels colour, coincides with my outrage at how under-rated Daisy Duck. The girl knows how to accessorise! Yes, Minnie Mouse may be the queen of all things polka-dot, but co-ordinating a pink bow and heels, that compliments her matching lilac top and eyeshadow, all while setting it off with a jade green bangle? On. Point. She's a dreamy pastel dream wrapped up in uber-fluttery lashes. The epitome of girly girl y'all.

Disney Princesses

Look. You all already know that how much of a Disney nut I am from the time I've dressed up as a princess (more than once...) and how much Disney Princesses are my ultimate hair goals. But they're also style goals - and it's not all just prom dresses and tiaras y'all.
Pocahontas was all over fringing and suede before the 70s fashion revival rolled up into town, Aurora is the queen of working a hooded cape without getting hat hair (also, that shirt and corset layering is to DIE FOR), Jasmine knows how to accessorise her harem trousers with a gemstone headband and gold jewellery to a tee, and no-one has ever looked as good in Scandinavian embroidery and ribboned up braids than Anna from Frozen.

Oh, and let's not forget villains! The fierce headgear of Maleficent and the Evil Queen's robe - being bad never looked so good.

Sailor Scouts from Sailor Moon
If you're looking for some nautical style inspo, then look no further than the scouts of Sailor Moon. Striped collars, jewelled toggles and neckerchief bows should be given as a starter pack to go with any kind of pleated, preppy skirt (who knew wands made such good accessories as well?)

 Even off-duty, these girls always looked as cute as a button! And let's not even get started on their hair. Growing up watching this anime gave me major swishy, shiny hair envy that I'll never be able to achieve.

Wonder Woman

We all know red, white and blue work flawlessly together, but no-one wears it quite as well as Wonder Woman herself. To fight crime and look like a bangin' super-babe with a golden crown while doing so as well, is no easy task! (How does she not constantly get wedgies in those hot-pants or spill out while running in her corset?!) And who needs a belt when you've got a lasso of truth! 


Oh, and let's not forgot what a sassy sister She-Ra is as well! Gold is obvisouly the superhero's choice of metallic (can someone tell me where I can get some get some gold boots please) but it never looks as amazing as when it's paried with bright whites! The Princess of Power is also the only gal I know how could pull off a crown decorated with ornamental wings and NOT look like an absolute tit!

The Powerpuff Girls
No-one can work block stripes quite like 3 girls who are made sugar, spice, and everything nice - must be chemical X malarky. This is a perfect example of how basic staples can be worked into different looks or styles. Tomboy, chic or kawaii - Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup have got you covered!
And let's just take a second at how fierce Miss.Bellum is working that power suit (and how much patience she has for dealing with that dozy mare of a Mayor of Townsville!)

Daphne from Scooby-Doo
If you'd told me that you can work a pair of pink tights without looking like a fool, I would've laughed you straight out of the hosiery department of the store. But Daphne has managed to make it work flawlessly while getting changed into a purple shift dress and lime green scarf in the back of the Mystery van. 70s vibes to the max - groovy!

Misty from Pokemon
My love for dungarees started from a young age, and it was probably due to my love of Pokemon as well and how well Misty wore her red braces with her denim shorts. Unfortunately, as a 23-year-old  with long dark hair, I can't work and short and spunky side ponytail as well as her. Might be something to do with the fact that I don't have the power of a Togepi by my side.

Wednesday, 2 September 2015

Week by Numbers: Milan, munchkins and manic

7 favourites...

I've had a week off from work and my god, was it needed and oh-so-heavenly. I lied-in. I wasn't rushing around stabbing mascara in my eye while trying to get ready in the morning. I got to chit-chat about nonsense without worrying what else on my to-do list needs to be done. It's been absolute bliss.

But before we get into the nitty gritty, can you even Adam-and-Eve it that it's now September?! Madness. Kids are heading back to school. Leaves are falling off leaves. I've even whipped out the tights out for regular wear again. Summer is well and truly on the way out and I'm not sure if I'm quite ok with that.
1.) So here's a glimpse of what August and the last glimpse of summer looked like for me through the lens of my camera and iPhone. Prepare for lots of shots of drinks in the sunshine and general larks.

2.) You know that week off from work that I took? What exotic location did I head to I hear you cry! Stoke. Stoke-on-Trent. And honestly I've never felt more happy to be back at home. Three months ago I moved permanently to London and as much as I absolutely love living here, the past few weeks I felt waves of being homesick and just missing my family. So when I got back home and my 2-year-old nephew ran throttle up to me and hugged me so much and wouldn't let go, my god, did my little heart flutter. I shared drinks with my dad, hugs with my mum, laughs with my siblings and cute moments ahoy with my nephew and nieces, as well as catch up with my childhood friends. It never feels like much has changed even when people have been away for months, but it's odd to see this group of people who I used to hang out in the common room and mess about on the school field with, now all being legit functioning adults with jobs and houses and shit. Life huh.

3.) Ah, but if you think Stoke is the only exhilarating place my lil tush was heading to then oh boy are you wrong. Cus ladies and gents, I was heading to the chic city of Milan! But of course, being the ditsy fool that is me, it couldn't just be a smooth ride to the airport could it? Oh no. So, I was flying from Birmingham and went there a day early to go stay at my brothers' and spend some quality time being Aunty Amy. But being someone who flaps about and gets flummoxed when under pressure, when there's a line of people waiting for you to get off the train and you've got not one, but TWO suitcases to take off with you, of course you end up taking someone else's suitcase that's identical to yours and don't realise it's not yours until 10pm... What follows is some serious detective skills via social media and a drive down to Reading at 11pm for a suitcase exchange. Drama, drama, drama.

4.) But reunited with my mini-Milan capsule wardrobe of a suitcase, me and my friend Rosie (You go Glen RoRo as I yell at her a lot) headed to Milan and after an evening of carbs and champagne, we rested our weary heads, ready for our first proper day, where we got turned away from Duomo Cathedral for having too much skin on show - opps -which Rosie also commented on me looking like a Spice Girls Bratz Doll. Standard then. (Note to self - always pack a shawl on holiday) 

5.) So we took ourselves to Bar Luce, which my pastel-colour-obsessed soul had been dreaming of since I found out that Wes Anderson himself had designed the candy-coloured wonderland. And it did not disappoint. From the waiter's aprons and the jukebox, to the menus and decor, it was like stepping straight into the world of Mr.Anderson and me and my glittery Miu Miu sunglasses didn't want to leave.

6.) Milan surprised me in that what I thought was going to be pretty city-esque, was actually dripping in culture and I felt like I had be taken back in time somewhat - in a really nice way. But just hopping on a train for a hour, we found ourselves at Lake Como and MY GOD. What a flipping view. I couldn't stop the profanities coming out of my mouth over how breathtaking the scenery was. And as I sat in the 30 degree Italian sun, dipping my feet in the water, hearing the sound of the lapping waves and sipped on my beer, I was plotting my plan on how to move and live in Italy.

7.) After a day floating on the waves of Lake Como, we headed to the theatre to watch a symphony - which we decided to treat ourselves to tickets to because...when in Milan (insert sassy girl emoji) And on our last day in the city, we FINALLY tackled Duomo cathedral, covered up (and sweating in the heat mind), but holy moly was it worth it. Climbing to the rooftops of the cathedral - which is beautiful, exquisite and every other word you could use to describe the marble masterpiece - and you could look down over the landscape of the city...I kind of just took a moment and contemplated how momentous the history of it was and how insignificant I was as a single human being in the scheme of things. Pretentious rambling over.

3 tweets...
"Brother walked in the kitchen as I was lighting candles on his bday cake. Panicked & did star jumps while shouting 'DIVERSION' repeatedly "
"Too much Chinese food & no yoga every day being back at home has made my body go all doolally. Ouff. Downward facing dog - come & get me "
"Never been through the security gates at an airport without it beeping. That's what you get for dressing in ornaments all the time "

1 outfit...
 Milan bought out the best of my wardrobe, despite me melting every time I merely put underwear on.
When you're walking home in the streets of Italy with a gelato in your hand, and your friend says you look like Sandy from Grease in your floral midi skirt and ponytail complete with pink, sequinned oversized bow. Well, that's just a life goal complete isn't it?

Until next time...
Stay happy!