Twenty Five

Last week, I turned the grand age of 25.

It may be unsurprising to know that I didn't wake up that morning with new-found wisdom and the answers to the questions of life. 

Instead, I woke covered in sequins with a nice hangover all wrapped up in a bow.

I still have the same ridiculous childlike outlook to life and optimism that sometimes gets the better of me.  

But an hour before the clock struck midnight on my birthday, I was harping on about how content and happy I was this birthday, more so than I can remember being before. Despite my life still pretty up-in-air and me still not having a clue what I'm doing. 

(It might've been the cocktails talking, but let's go with a new-found epiphany from my mid-twenties).

When I was a teen, I had such an idea of how my life was going to be like when I was well in my 20s, but when 15-year-old me didn't know was that in actual fact, I didn't know shit...

F R I E N D S

What 15-year-old Amy thought...

After a school life of having a pretty big friendship circle, it was like I was part of one big gang of guys and girls. And I was. It was the best as a teen. You always had someone you knew someone who'd share a bottle of Apple Sourz with at pre-drinks, or who would help you put fake tan on your back in a streaky fashion. Everyday in the 6th form common room was like one great, big party, and every weekend it actually was, and of the fancy dress variety in fact. And this will only continue and grow as I grow up. Imma have hundreds and hundreds of friends y'all.

What my 25-year-old life is actually like...

Those friends are still friends and we care about each other to the moon and back (you can be damn sure if someone had something less-than-nice to say about one of them, then my hoops would be whipped off and I would give my best Rocky impression...before inevitably falling to the ground.)

While the day-to-day circle may have grown smaller, the group who I know has my back and would be there for me come what may, well, that's only grown from strength to strength.
It's cliche, but it is quality, not quantity. 

You may not see some friends for weeks and months on end, but when you do, you pick up from where you left off with no problems. And the ones you see all the time, while you've not grown up together, you've grown together, and probably know you better than you do yourself. 

R E S P O N S I B I L I T I E S

What 15-year-old Amy thought...

Longing for the day where homework would be a thing of a that past and I could stop saving up loose change as I'll be working 9 to 5 and have all the money in the world to splurge on whatever the hell I want. I'd buy designer shoes, jet off to private islands, and no-one can tell me I can't cus there'll be no-one telling me what to do with my life, YAY.

What my 25-year-old life is actually like...

My GOD how I wish I had someone to sort out my life. Boring life admin stuff like washing, ironing and bills just don't come into account when you think about what being an adult is like when you're younger. Not to even mention all the emotional shit like work/life balance and those pesky things like feelings. Some days, it would just be fab if someone could just take care of it ALL, while I just curled up into a teenage ball and binged on everything the internet has to offer.

B O Y S

What 15-year-old Amy thought...

By the time I'm in my twenties, that's like so old. I'll have gone through all the rubbish boys and found y'know, like, THE ONE, and live happily after together. Sunday lunches with the in-laws, pet puppies galore and domesticated housewife to the max. 

What my 25-year-old life is actually like...

Oh HELL no. I am so not ready for any of that marriage malarky. I have so much more I want to do, and while it's fun having a partner-in-crime for the ride, I'm not ready to not be completely selfish yet. I know someday it'll all just feel, RIGHT. But that day keeps gets pushed further and further back the more I live and love my life.

There's been highs and quite a few lows in between. But all the tears, hours crying along to Adele, heart aches and heart breaks are worth it for the connections, memories, laughter, adventures and sparks. It sometimes seems like I'm no closer to finding that special gooseberry, but I know I am. I used to think I knew exactly the kind of person I want to be with,  but all the shit dates and awful break-ups also make me realise what I don't want. And that's just as important. Why should you settle for seconds best when you should always put yourself, first. 

H O U S E 

What 15-year-old Amy thought...

One of those pastel coloured town houses in West Kensington in London please! That would be fabulous and I'll decorate it all in Cath Kidston and have tea parties all the bloody time. It'll be great.

What my 25-year-old life is actually like...

So yeah, there's these thing called mortgages? And the housing market is a shambles, which is a nice little treat for us millenials eh?! But shared houses means drinking buddies for nights out, having someone to stroke your hair while you throw up at 3am, and discovering some gems who become friends for life, who I would've never met if you used all that money I don't have, to splash on a house to live on my own. (Also, the kitsch Cath Kidston phase came and went pretty quickly.)

F A S H I O N

What 15-year-old Amy thought...

Vogue, eat your heart out. I'll be strutting into the office with the highest of heels on, looking swish with the newest IT bag, and ALL the designer gear. I'll be covered in all the brands and labels, just you wait and see, I'll be chic af.

What my 25-year-old life is actually like...

Pricey Von Dutch caps and having Juicy written across your butt weren't all it's cracked up to be. And I'm so thankful I didn't spend a whole load of £££ on a rainbow monogrammed Louis Vuitton bag,  just because Paris Hilton had one.

Buying stuff just cus of celebrities, is just not cool. And hey, look! I've only gone and developed my own individual style that is completely ridiculous and relates to me, and me only.

(And my god, do I bloody own those prints and pastels, topped off with fluff and fun.)

W O R K

What 15-year-old Amy thought...

Picture Ugly Betty meets The Devil Wear Prada. I'd turn up to work in the most stylish stuff, cus, well, I would've designed them myself. Everyone around the world will be wearing my work, and of course I will have done this all before I'm 30, DUH. I'll be the next Elie Saab before I know it.

What my 25-year-old life is actually like...

A degree studying fashion design drove me NUTS. Lord knows I couldn't spend a career in it. I bloody love clothes but I nearly fell out of love with them (and that would've just been a crime.) I'll leave it to the professionals and just admire from afar thanks. And who knew that all those mad stories I used to make up and write, and the number of years of diary writing, would lead me to a job in writing eh? Still trying to find my exact place but I'm having a hell of a time on the way.

F A M I L Y

What 15-year-old Amy thought...

"Oh my GOD, why is Dad being SO unfair?! He just doesn't GET me at all!" is what I screamed on a nightly basis as I slammed my door with my Fall Out Boy poster stuck onto it. My parents just don't understand me and they're just there to ruin my life. If they weren't my parents, I wouldn't even want to spend any time with them! I CAN'T WAIT TO MOVE OUT!

What my 25-year-old life is actually like...

Oh Amy. Amy, amy, amy. If only you knew how much you'd miss Mama and Pops when you move away to uni. Now, they're over 100 miles away when all you wish for is a cuddle off them at the end of an utterly shit day. I realised they're not just my parents, they're actual human beings who've lived a hell of a lot of life and are only looking out for me. They're caring, ambitious, hilarious and are filled with love, and no words would ever be enough to describe the love I have for them.

My brothers and I are closer than ever, the addition of sister-in-laws are a joy and I never knew how much unconditional love I could have for the tiny humans that are my nephew and nieces. Being an Aunty is THE best deal cus you get to have maximum fun with minimum responsibility!

When I was younger, I couldn't wait to be older.
Now, I'd love it just to slow down - just a tad - so I can enjoy and savour every moment and memory.

The past 25 years have been emotional, ecstatic and amazing.
I've learnt a hell of a lot about myself, life, and what I want from it.
And I can only imagine what the next 25 will bring.

Until next time...

A.x

Month by Numbers: gals & good times

7 favourites...

1.) One of the reasons I love my job so much is because of the people. So when there's a chance to drink and be merry with said people, that's time well spent, especially when that day is Valentines Gal-entines Day. A day of love spent with my loves!
 And you can beat anytime that the Bella Babes are out on the town, there's bond to be prosecco, espresso martinis, Instagrams on fleek, laughing in unison and hazy memories the next day.

2.) Continuing on my bid to see more of the country I live in, I headed to Oxford to spend some time with some of my favourite uni babes, and Oxford just happens to be the same distance for all of us to travel. We ate, we drank, we wondered around feeling uber-British and we climbed up a castle in the rain. Time. Well. Spent.

3.) I got my bake on this month y'all. Because when you need to bake a surprise cake for your bff's birthday, only a chocolate cake with Nutella frosting and a peanut butter glaze will do. Oh, and covered in gold stars and glitter of course. 

And would you just LOOK at this bad boy! Not only is it the first time I've ever made a swiss roll (hence some cracks on it...don't worry, just throw some glitter on it, that's what I do for everything else in life anyway), but it's drench in motherflipping emojis. You're welcome. 

4.) If you know me in any capacity, you'll know how much I love Adele. She's gotten me over heartbreaks and gotten me into sassy 'over you' mode. She's hilarious, engaging, has ALL the emotions and let's not even get started on her voice. 

So when she won Best Album at the Grammys and said she couldn't accept her award because she though Beyonce deserved it, and then shared her award with her Cady Heron outta Mean Girls style? Well, my love for her just went up another level. 

5.) After nearly 3 years of living in London, I finally got round to seeing some of the iconic sights. And all it took was for a London newbie to move into town so I could use the excuse to show them around. Lizzie was in the royal house and Big Ben was chiming. 

6.) And on the flipside of all the London tourist sights is all the greenery that the big smoke has to offer. Some Sheffield huns came down to visit and we spent all day just meandering around Hampstead Heath, coo-ed at all the doggos, sang Disney songs, and the sun even came out for the occasion. 

7.) Social media is fucking great. Not a surprising statement to make from this millennial here, I know. But there I was, scrolling away, and then came across someone sharing some pretty badass t-shirts, and as a slogan tee obsessive, I clicked on it straight away. But they were so much more than a sassy slogan tee. Lolli, aka Girl Stole London, is the genius behind these tees, and also the babe that is kicking cancer in the tits. She writes about her battle in a really honest, real and hilarious way in which her personality really shines. As someone who's seen their loved one go through cancer, it can be scary and you can have fear instilled into you constantly and it's refreshing to hear about it from a down-to-earth and logical way (read more here boo).

So if you love a slogan tee as much as I do, get one from here, look great with 25% of proceeds going toward Breast Cancer Haven, do a great thing while doing so.

5 tweets...

1.) Work wifey @anna_tabs: "I'm looking at houses to buy" 

Me: "...I'm looking for lace0up bodysuits to buy" 

2.) Woman in the office: 'you always wear nice clothes, I have wardrobe envy!' Girl, I've been curating that shit all my life 

3.) I'm wearing a mini-skirt & the lipliner is ON...I think I'm over the worst of the illness guys! 

4.) Booking a Jacqueline Wilson event & drinking honey & lemon, while in my boxing kit listening to Skepta...I'm multi-faceted ok 

5.) Finished a double page health & diet feature at work, just in time for cake o'clock 

3 songs...

1.) Katy Perry - Chained to the Rhythm

This pop bish is back y'all, and doing what she does best. Good, ol' pop, but this time with an important message to say along with the catchy tune.

2.) DJ Khaled, Beyonce & Jay-Z - Shining

All the swag you could ask for to accompany you on your morning commute.

3.) Starley - Call On Me

This makes me so ready for summer, WHERE ARE THOU?!

Month by Numbers: old friends, old exes, old patriarchal shit

7 favourites...

1.) I rung in the 2017 with some of my oldest friends. 2016 was a bit of a tough one, but it's heart-warming and comforting to know that people can grow up and further away, but that doesn't necessarily mean you grow apart. 

2.) To beat the January blues, I got the opportunity to go see Cirque Du Soleil's Amaluna show and I was completely blown away by the bedazzling and jaw-dropping talent. It also made me want to finally sign up for those ariel acrobat classes, but that's another story. I also went to see one of my friend's band. They all work 9-5 jobs but they're also following their passion. The crowds are getting bigger and bigger names are noticing them. Morale of the story to both of these shows kids? Follow your heart and follow your dreams y'all.

3.) Everyone has highs and lows in their work life, but undoubtedly the no.1 high is the work family I've gained. Not only do they turn dreading my commute, into looking forward to chatting all kinds of ridiculous rubbish with them in the office, but I've gained a whole bunch of new friends who inspire me, support me and encourage me (whether that be in work or to drink)

4.) An old flame of mine got in touch with me out of the blue. He called time out on our relationship, and after 6 months of silence and moving on, he decided to call once again. This time on my phone. I don't know what his intentions were or the words he had to say, and I gave up sticking around to find out when we parted ways, so I guess I'll never know what he wanted to say.

5.) You know what? We should all take random days off work more often. I did for a friend's birthday and we just wandered around London without feeling like we were running late for work. We drank hot chocolate that was 90% toasted marshmallow, and we went to the You Say You Want A Revolution? exhibition at the V&A. Yes it was about the music and fashion of the the 60s, but what I didn't expect was for it to go into the social issues and movements of that time too, which seem more relevant in this current moment in time in society, than ever.  

6.) The Women's March left me feeling proud, united and hopeful in humanity and the scary uncertainty of the future. There were people of all genders, ethnicities, ages and walks of life, caring about, well...people. And that's all it is people!

7.)To me, Chinese New Year every year means family time, tons of food and the tradition of receiving money in red packets (which I don't think I'll ever get bored of)
But, every year, I want to learn more about my heritage, and do so over a bottle of red wine with my dad. Basically, it's like a 2nd Christmas for me and I'm more than OK with that.

5 tweets...

1.) "I've started off the new year w/fizz, a puppy, chanting 'Stoke' @robbiewilliams on the tv & my tit tape sweating off #Hello2017"
2.) "I'm having pigs in blankets withdrawal symptoms "
3.) "Newbie at boxing yday came up to me at the end saying 'thanks for being a cheerleader when I was struggling!' Girls are THE BEST "
4.) "My thai green curry has gone pink cus I put red cabbage on it. Pretty on-brand tbh "
5.) "Friends say I'm more youth-like than usual this week. Strange as I've said sensible things: 'My side hustle is so extra, it's gonna be lit'"

3 songs....
1.) Ed Sheeran - Shape of You

He's back, and with a funky and sultry sound. And I'm a big fan of this and it's flirty lyrics.

2.) Childish Gambino - Redbone

If this doesn't make you want to snog the person you fancy all over, then I don't think you're listening to it right.

3.) Snakehips and MØ - Don't Leave

This sounds gorgeous and the lyrics are oddly heartbreaking. All the feels, all at the same time.