Sunday, 16 April 2017

Twenty Five

Last week, I turned the grand age of 25.
It may be unsurprising to know that I didn't wake up that morning with new-found wisdom and the answers to the questions of life. 
Instead, I woke covered in sequins with a nice hangover all wrapped up in a bow.
I still have the same ridiculous childlike outlook to life and optimism that sometimes gets the better of me.  
But an hour before the clock struck midnight on my birthday, I was harping on about how content and happy I was this birthday, more so than I can remember being before. Despite my life still pretty up-in-air and me still not having a clue what I'm doing. 
(It might've been the cocktails talking, but let's go with a new-found epiphany from my mid-twenties).
When I was a teen, I had such an idea of how my life was going to be like when I was well in my 20s, but when 15-year-old me didn't know was that in actual fact, I didn't know shit...

What 15-year-old Amy thought...
After a school life of having a pretty big friendship circle, it was like I was part of one big gang of guys and girls. And I was. It was the best as a teen. You always had someone you knew someone who'd share a bottle of Apple Sourz with at pre-drinks, or who would help you put fake tan on your back in a streaky fashion. Everyday in the 6th form common room was like one great, big party, and every weekend it actually was, and of the fancy dress variety in fact. And this will only continue and grow as I grow up. Imma have hundreds and hundreds of friends y'all.

What my 25-year-old life is actually like...
Those friends are still friends and we care about each other to the moon and back (you can be damn sure if someone had something less-than-nice to say about one of them, then my hoops would be whipped off and I would give my best Rocky impression...before inevitably falling to the ground.)
While the day-to-day circle may have grown smaller, the group who I know has my back and would be there for me come what may, well, that's only grown from strength to strength.
It's cliche, but it is quality, not quantity. 
You may not see some friends for weeks and months on end, but when you do, you pick up from where you left off with no problems. And the ones you see all the time, while you've not grown up together, you've grown together, and probably know you better than you do yourself. 

What 15-year-old Amy thought...
Longing for the day where homework would be a thing of a that past and I could stop saving up loose change as I'll be working 9 to 5 and have all the money in the world to splurge on whatever the hell I want. I'd buy designer shoes, jet off to private islands, and no-one can tell me I can't cus there'll be no-one telling me what to do with my life, YAY.

What my 25-year-old life is actually like...
My GOD how I wish I had someone to sort out my life. Boring life admin stuff like washing, ironing and bills just don't come into account when you think about what being an adult is like when you're younger. Not to even mention all the emotional shit like work/life balance and those pesky things like feelings. Some days, it would just be fab if someone could just take care of it ALL, while I just curled up into a teenage ball and binged on everything the internet has to offer.

What 15-year-old Amy thought...
By the time I'm in my twenties, that's like so old. I'll have gone through all the rubbish boys and found y'know, like, THE ONE, and live happily after together. Sunday lunches with the in-laws, pet puppies galore and domesticated housewife to the max. 

What my 25-year-old life is actually like...
Oh HELL no. I am so not ready for any of that marriage malarky. I have so much more I want to do, and while it's fun having a partner-in-crime for the ride, I'm not ready to not be completely selfish yet. I know someday it'll all just feel, RIGHT. But that day keeps gets pushed further and further back the more I live and love my life.
There's been highs and quite a few lows in between. But all the tears, hours crying along to Adele, heart aches and heart breaks are worth it for the connections, memories, laughter, adventures and sparks. It sometimes seems like I'm no closer to finding that special gooseberry, but I know I am. I used to think I knew exactly the kind of person I want to be with,  but all the shit dates and awful break-ups also make me realise what I don't want. And that's just as important. Why should you settle for seconds best when you should always put yourself, first. 

H O U S E 
What 15-year-old Amy thought...
One of those pastel coloured town houses in West Kensington in London please! That would be fabulous and I'll decorate it all in Cath Kidston and have tea parties all the bloody time. It'll be great.

What my 25-year-old life is actually like...
So yeah, there's these thing called mortgages? And the housing market is a shambles, which is a nice little treat for us millenials eh?! But shared houses means drinking buddies for nights out, having someone to stroke your hair while you throw up at 3am, and discovering some gems who become friends for life, who I would've never met if you used all that money I don't have, to splash on a house to live on my own. (Also, the kitsch Cath Kidston phase came and went pretty quickly.)

What 15-year-old Amy thought...
Vogue, eat your heart out. I'll be strutting into the office with the highest of heels on, looking swish with the newest IT bag, and ALL the designer gear. I'll be covered in all the brands and labels, just you wait and see, I'll be chic af.

What my 25-year-old life is actually like...
Pricey Von Dutch caps and having Juicy written across your butt weren't all it's cracked up to be. And I'm so thankful I didn't spend a whole load of £££ on a rainbow monogrammed Louis Vuitton bag,  just because Paris Hilton had one.
Buying stuff just cus of celebrities, is just not cool. And hey, look! I've only gone and developed my own individual style that is completely ridiculous and relates to me, and me only.
(And my god, do I bloody own those prints and pastels, topped off with fluff and fun.)

What 15-year-old Amy thought...
Picture Ugly Betty meets The Devil Wear Prada. I'd turn up to work in the most stylish stuff, cus, well, I would've designed them myself. Everyone around the world will be wearing my work, and of course I will have done this all before I'm 30, DUH. I'll be the next Elie Saab before I know it.

What my 25-year-old life is actually like...
A degree studying fashion design drove me NUTS. Lord knows I couldn't spend a career in it. I bloody love clothes but I nearly fell out of love with them (and that would've just been a crime.) I'll leave it to the professionals and just admire from afar thanks. And who knew that all those mad stories I used to make up and write, and the number of years of diary writing, would lead me to a job in writing eh? Still trying to find my exact place but I'm having a hell of a time on the way.

What 15-year-old Amy thought...
"Oh my GOD, why is Dad being SO unfair?! He just doesn't GET me at all!" is what I screamed on a nightly basis as I slammed my door with my Fall Out Boy poster stuck onto it. My parents just don't understand me and they're just there to ruin my life. If they weren't my parents, I wouldn't even want to spend any time with them! I CAN'T WAIT TO MOVE OUT!

What my 25-year-old life is actually like...
Oh Amy. Amy, amy, amy. If only you knew how much you'd miss Mama and Pops when you move away to uni. Now, they're over 100 miles away when all you wish for is a cuddle off them at the end of an utterly shit day. I realised they're not just my parents, they're actual human beings who've lived a hell of a lot of life and are only looking out for me. They're caring, ambitious, hilarious and are filled with love, and no words would ever be enough to describe the love I have for them.
My brothers and I are closer than ever, the addition of sister-in-laws are a joy and I never knew how much unconditional love I could have for the tiny humans that are my nephew and nieces. Being an Aunty is THE best deal cus you get to have maximum fun with minimum responsibility!

When I was younger, I couldn't wait to be older.
Now, I'd love it just to slow down - just a tad - so I can enjoy and savour every moment and memory.
The past 25 years have been emotional, ecstatic and amazing.
I've learnt a hell of a lot about myself, life, and what I want from it.
And I can only imagine what the next 25 will bring.

Until next time...

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