12 very real struggles of Christmas in your 20s

There'll be no prizes given out for guessing that this girl here flipping LOVES Christmas.

From trying to stay up all night and catch a glimpse of Santa, to falling asleep early on the sofa from all the Bailey and Bucks Fizz - as soon as midnight hits on December 1st, I just can't hide that festive spirit anymore. (And let's be honest, I've not done a very good job of disguising it ever since Halloween finished anyway).

But singing along to your Christmas playlist and glugging down the mulled wine ain't all that the festive period is all cracked up to be when you're in your 20s, oh no! 
There's oh so much more to that when you're stuck in between being a big kid and pretending to be an adult...

1.) The balance between twinkly and tacky

I'm all about the Christmas jumpers - sequins, glitter, vintage, and even ones with actual bells on - but as much as 5-year-old me could go all out practically dressed as Santa's little helper, that might be just a BIT too jazzy nearly 20 years later on my work commute. So, a slick of red lippy and my 'kissing guys for mince pies' jumper with do as I head to my meetings.

2.) The gift of giving

How about instead of gifts, we do gifs instead? I'll make you a personalised one with my expert Photoshop skills and everything. Tis' the season of giving, and I always see stuff I'm dying to get my loved ones - before I look at the price tag and remember than I've also got about 15 other people to buy for and I chose a career that pays a pittance... WHY MUST YOU COST SO MUCH YOU FESTIVE FIENDS.

3.) Winter bulking

Party season means the tiniest and tightest of dresses come out to play, but also, so do mince pies. And well, you can't go to a Christmas market without having a Bratwurst or 2 right? No other time of the year would it be acceptable to start your day with a teeny tiny chocolate every single day, but, y'know...it's Christmas! It's cold - you need to add a few extra layers on your body to keep you warm right?

4.) All I want for Christmas is...you?

Once upon a time, you imagined your life to look like the front of a snuggly Christmas card, with a couple cozy in front of an open fire. But in reality, you've been seeing someone for a bit and you don't know whether or not to get them a present - cus if they've got you one and you have nothing in return, well, you just look like a dick don't ya? Or you're just inundated with family members asking you if you've got a partner and why you're the only single one at the dinner table...BECAUSE I'M JUST FINE AND DANDY AUNTY CAROL LEAVE ME AND MY PIGS IN BLANKETS ALONE THANKS.

5.) Voice of an angel

Speaking of Mariah Carey, who HASN'T has tried to sing along with her vocal acrobatics and highest of high notes. Every time, every year, i'm convinced I can sing just as well as her (especially when it's the last song played on the dancefloor), and every year, I'm sorely proved wrong. Also, how many times is too many times to listen to that song in one day? Just asking for a friend...

6.) He's making a list, he's checking it twice

Well, I'm old and independent enough now that if I want something I like, I kinda already just, well, get it for myself? Long gone are the days of folding down pages in the Argos catalogue for my wish-list to Santa, and instead, I've realized I've ran out of that swish moisturizer I really like or I need a new diary - but that's just not as exciting as being surprised with a Barbie dream house is it?

7.) Decoration goals

You envisage your home to look like a winter wonderland of millions of fairy lights and wreaths that even Pinterest would be well jel of. In reality, you're stringing up your own baubles, cutting out snowflakes to hang on your archway and you've got the tiniest christmas tree that you and your flatmate's loose change can afford. It may be small but dammit it's YOURS and it smells glorious.

8.) White Christmas

As a kid, waking up and seeing the outside of your window covered in a beautiful white blanket was one of the best and most exciting feelings in the world. School was off and you were all geared up for a day of sledging. Now though, yeah you still get just as pysched - before you make your commute into work and the train's delayed or you need to de-ice your car. You're inevitably half an hour later and your gloves are soaked through.

9.) So, when are you free? 

Look, there's only 4 weeks in December, so only 3 weekends before the big day, therefore, realistically, only about 6 whole free days where you haven't got that thing called a job or life getting in the way. That ain't a lot of time for having fun with your squad! And with everyone's schedules being different, trying to find a time everyone to get together is just an absolute mission, but there's a reason why they call it a Christmas miracle.

10.) Merry & mulled 

It's been a long day at work, you'll go to a Christmas market or a pub with some friends just for a quick drink you think to yourself - you deserve it! You've been working hard at that 9-5 life yo. But mulled wine has this tricky power of tasting just like hot Ribena and before you know it, you're 6 mugs in and it's about to turn midnight. Just like Cinderella herself, you're trying to get the last train home after you've essentially drank a bottle of wine to keep yourself warm.

11.) Chill or thrills?

You can't wait to get home, get in your comfy clothes, and put on Love Actually with the bae (be that your other half or a big ol' pizza). Buttttt, the girls from yoga are also at the bar down the road - you know the one who do two for one cocktails and always play your favourite songs? Yeah. That one. YOU WANT TO DO BOTH BUT THERE'S ONLY ONE YOU.

12.) Nearest & dearest

And that's the biggest struggle of them all - having to come to terms and accept the fact that you're just a big festive soppy git deep down (you don't fool me you Scrooge)

Hope you all have a magical, love-filled festive period with all those that you love! 

Until next time,

A.x

12 Things I'd Tell Drunk Me

Dear drunk Amy:

Hey, it's sober Amy here! Hope you're doing well - did you ever book that trip to Tunisia that you planned to? Anyway, I just wanted to have a little chat, cus I wish we could both just get along and play nice! Sure, we work together better and better with every night out or bottle of wine, but I think it's time we had a bit of a team talk. So here's some things and pieces of advice I want to address to you that you'll hopefully take on board while you down your next Glitterbomb....

1.) Don’t roll home still singing at the top of your lungs in the early hours of the morning

Yes, I know you had a great night and just want it to carry on by singing Call Me Maybe/Arctic Monkeys/No Diggity. But your poor neighbours! And as if the volume wasn't bad enough, just FYI, you ain't no Mariah Carey.

2.) Whatever you do, DON'T throw up in the taxi home
It's only happened once, but dear god was it embarrassing and 50 shades of gross. Don't worry, it happens to the best of us, just let's not have a repeated episode of it yeah?

3.) Stop attempting to make yummy potato goods when you get in at 3am

I know all you want is wedges, cheesy jacket potatoes and to gorge on a bowl of mash - but just get chips at the kebab shop like a normal person k? It’ll save the confusion and mess of half peeled spuds and herb-sprinkled baking trays the next morning. 

Not to mention it’s highly dangerous to mix alcohol with knives…

4.) Stop! after the 3rd tequila shot

You love tequila! You genuinely do, with or without lemon and salt - shocking I know - and others just don't understand the delicate love and bond you have and share. 

But it's a fine line to whether it loves you back or not. Up to 3 tequilas makes you as happy Pharrell Williams in a hat, but any more than that, and it ain't pretty. Trust me.

5.)Step away from your phone!

Not only are you a chronic drunk-texter, but you've evolved into a pretty bad drunk-snapchatter. I get it, you wish that that friend you love was here with you, but they probs don't appreciate having their phone go off at 4am with you screaming down the other end of it. And don't even get me started about the boys you decide to contact in your gin-fuelled drunken haze. Bad decisions all round. 

6.) Free champagne doesn't mean pour as much down your throat as you can

Cus limits and shit. Remember when dad had to haul his grown-ass daughter to bed cause she couldn't get into it? Yeah, well, let's not have that happen ever again....

7.) You need to chill the fuck out with your facial expressions 

Others have been known to say you have the facial expressions that of a selection of emoticons and emojis. And I feel ya girl, you're just having a real fun time, and can't contain that and it overflows onto your face (and there's also a little big of you that feels you're being a bit Cara Delevigne with your wacky poses). But just, calm it a lil' bit. Your Facebook feed will thank you for it.

8.) Back the hell away from that cigarette

You, Amy WY Lo, are a terrible social smoker. One drink down your throat and you're on a hunt for a smoke like a game of Where's Wally. You know it's terrible for you. You judge dad that he used to be like a chimney. You hate it! So just stop it, k?

9.) Vodka jellies are always a lot more tricky to shot that you think

You've had a few drinks, gotten a bit cocky, and before you know it, you've accepted a challenge and am taking part in a race of downing them. What you forget is that those wibbly-wobbly creatures are stuck in there pretty darn good, and you end up scraping that sucker out with your tongue like a spotty teen having their first kiss.

Oh, and don't think vodka gummi bears are just fun and games either. They're lethal lil' buggers.

10.) Please don’t lose your keys

You're pretty good with your belongings, not an ID even misplaced - and I know, I know, the keys things only happened that one time. And that lovely girl picked them up, and found you to return them to you! (Faith in humanity restored). But it'll just save you all the hassle of trying to crack your door down with a credit card, or the shame of having to ask your landlord for a spare key at silly o' clock.

11.) Oh, on the issue of locks, don't lock yourself in the bathroom!

You've gone to brush your teeth, or like that time where you felt like you might throw up, so you took yourself to the bathroom - good job btw - but maybe just keep the door shut and unlocked. Cus you've fallen asleep before, and then your housemates think something's to you while banging on the door, when all it is is that you've curled up on the rug with a toothbrush hanging out of your mouth.

12.) Kudos on letting your friends know how much you bloomin' love them

You've had a bit of rum and am feeling a bit melty and rather happy - evenmore so than usual - and you'll know doubt grab your friends towards you for a cuddle and a kiss, and profess your love and appreciation of them and the friendship you share. Which is all true as gold! But tbh, you'd probs be doing the same if you were sober anyway, cus we're both just soppy motherfuckers like that. 

Do you have any of these bad drunk traits?! I know I'm not the only one!

Stay happy!

Until next time,

A.x