14 things I'll never EVER understand

There's some things in life that I've learned to love or love to learn about - coriander, the taste of beer, how to make pasta - but there's just some things that I don't think I'll ever be able to grasp. 

I feel like I'm failing at life by not knowing these things but I just don't think I'll ever understand. At all. And that's just something I'm gonna have to live with, sigh.

1.) How to do the monkey bars

Or a hand-stand or cartwheel for that matter. Upper arm strength has never been and never will be my strong point, so please, never challenge me to an arm wrestle. It'll just end in me crying and with broken muscles.

2.) People looking fabulous when they leave the airport

You've just been suspended in a metal tin in the sky for hours, where the recycled air is not your skin's best friend. HOW on earth is your make-up flawless, your hair on point and are you strutting through airport security like a Victoria's Secret angel in stilettos, while I look like a shrivelled-up jacket potato?

3.) Why I like tequila so much

I honestly and whole-heartedly enjoy drinking tequila, not just to shot down as a quick-fix way to get drunk (and definitely without salt and lime please). 

NO, I DON'T KNOW WHY EITHER BUT I DO K.

4.) How people don't like Disney/Breakfast Club/Friends

I mean...just..how?! Sorry. Get out. We can't co-exist like this.

5.) How Cher Horowitz managed to pull off THIS all-time fave look

If you know me, you'll know my infinite love for Cher and all things fluffy and Clueless related. On paper, a long sheer shirt, worn over a argyle miniskirt with a cropped knitted tank top on top...sounds like absolute madness and believe me, I've tried it - and I looked like a golfer who'd stolen a blouse off their mum, who's a teacher and shrunken their jumper in the wash. But on screen? Oh baby, it's an outfit of dreams.

6.) Why some people are such dicks

JUST DON'T. Let's all just be nice humans y'all!

7.) Why people dislike pop music

It's pop music because it's popular, and if that's the only reason you're hating on it, then quit being such a hipster spoilsport - it's just some fun! I know you dance along to Carly Rae Jepson alone in your room like the rest of us.

8.) Why I can never cook Chinese food as well as my dad

He's taught me just how he does it, but when I leave the Lo household and try to recreate it back in my own abode, following the instructions to the tee, it just doesn't taste anywhere near as good. It's aiiiight, but IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME. Whyyyy.

9.) How Adele talks like this...

and sings like THIS

It's one of the most beautiful mysteries of the world.

10.) The most efficient way to pee with a jumpsuit on

Basically, there isn't one. You're either completely naked in a cubicle trying not to let your playsuit touch the sticky floor. Or if you're wearing shorts, you decide for once you're just going to manoeuvre your outfit strategically and you'll have finally have cracked this conundrum once and for all.

All it means is that you end up peeing on yourself and you wonder why you ever thought this was a good idea.

11.) Putting on mascara without pulling a face
I've tried. Oh man, have I tried.

12.) How much pasta to cook

It's always either the amount you would feed a small child, or enough for an army (which you'll envietably end up eating all of it anyway, cus, y'know...PASTA). 

13.) Just how much to filling to put inside a fajita
Maybe I'm just greedy. Maybe I've got bad perception. But I always fill my fajitas and it ends up overspilling, but I still think I can eat it, and before you know it, there's guacamole in my lap and everyone else at the dinner table has left me and my mess.

14.) How to NOT have wispy baby hairs when I put my hair up

I can't put up my hair up in a ponytail without at least a dozen kirby grips in it to stop my looking like Albert Einstein after an electric shock. ARIANA GRANDE TEACH ME YOUR WAYS.

Until next time...

A.x

Jazzy January

Oh January you icy mistress. Yes you're cold and blustery weather conditions make my teeth chatter nose numb, but I'm not going down without a fight! I'm armed with fluffy beanie hats and massive fur-trimmed hooded coats,

And the best accesory for a fluffy beanie? More fluff of course in the form of a sequinned and furry jumper and pair of pom-pom plimsols. 

But just because it's winter, it doesn't mean you have to wrap up all the time.

Stripping down to some sheer beauties when it's playtime, is just a sheer delight (especially when there's lacy underwear involved...oo-er!)

Speaking of underwear, do you have those special numbers that you save for special occasions? Liiiike, to wear under your zip-down cord number for a first date.

But if pretty lace numbers are a little bit too promiscuous then sports bras and crop tops are The. One - either catching a glimpse under a metallic gold open knit...

.. or matching your just as metallic leather skirt with a tropical printed crop with equally as gold Puma sign emblazoned across it.

If a single word logo isn't enough though, then there's a number of sassy slogans you can wear across your chest to express your feelings in a perfect adolescent manner.

If even being a teenage runaway is too mature for your taste though, a playground-worthy beaded bracelet (even if the message isn't that playground-friendly).

No better way to go along the school days vibe than with a pinafore dress, but with a grown-up twist of being made out of forest green suede.              

But back-to-basics are just as good and sometimes black and white is the way to go. (And you can still buckle up your dungaree straps - win, win!)

Speaking of classics - you can't go wrong with a tshirt and jeans combo, which is exactly what lazy weekends are made for! Especially when it has Honey Bunny written across it, and is baggy AF to show off your lacy red bra - cheeky!

But you can't really get further away from basics than a gilet covered in pastel feathers or pretty pink hair. January blues? Yeah...you can do one buddy.

Alas though, it wouldn't be my wadrobe if there wasn't a shitloads of patterns, particuarly if they're florals that go perfectly with a sleeveless poloneck and long ol' shearling coat.

Or there's the playful playsuit which may seem like a summer choice, but with autumnly tones and knee high boots, they're spot-on for a winter's day's stroll.

And I always get a bit starry eyed when I see anything spaced themed like moons and stars. A plunging star-printed dress with flowing, fluted sleeves had me feeling like a 60s rock babe.

Except, I know I'm not, so along with with my thigh high boots - this is about the closest I'll ever get to feeling like Stevie Nicks. And that's fine with me.

Until next time,

A.x

Month by Numbers: pink, piercings & pissed

7 faves...

1.) I hate January. I'm sorry, but I do (apologies to all my lovely friends whose birthdays are in Jan - it's not personal!) Every single year I end up feeling unconsolably down, and it's more than just a bad day. So, to try and kick the January blues this year, I went January pink instead! Having bleached hair means I can have ALL the fun with different temporary hair dyes now. So pink hair and piercings was how I kept those pesky blues away. And FYI kids - Kids - piercings are an addicting thing y'all. You start with getting a extra second cheeky one on your lobe and before you know it, your piercing collection has gotten into the double numbers...

2.) Despite my lack of love for January though, the month has been pretty sweet to me with plenty of dance moves on show, and cocktails and friends to get through the Monday of all the months.

3.) The freelance life has it's highs and lows, but one of the highlights is being that I get to be that stereotypical dickhead who sits at a cafe tapping away at their laptop. That means I get to try out all the pretty places that serve great wifi and even better coffee, with one of my faves being The Lights of Soho. 

Filled with neon beauty, sassy slogans and mottos that make you want to yell out, 'PREACH'

4.) Some people in my life recently didn't turn up and live up to the kind of people that they'd portrayed themselves to be in my life. And for once, I didn't ride it out and tell myself that I was jsut over-reacting, and I took control of how I feel and about my own life, and I'm now so much happier and better for it. Yay for life lessons!

5.) After a night of dancing to film soundtracks, making new friends and drinking tequila, there aren't many better hangover cures than going on a big walk outdoors to blow away the cobwebs. With a coffee in hand and a friend to debrief all about last night about, and a view THIS beautiful - all those regretful drinks don't seem that bad anymore

6.) Brunch is one of my favourite meals. Basic? Yes. Delicious and boozy? YES. And the latest place to win over my heart and my appetite is Flesh & Buns.

Having had dinner there before, I know the food was already gonna be the bomb, but MY GOD. Endless prosecco, fresh sushi & ceviche, tons of buns and a big ol' flame to roast marshmallows and make smores RIGHT AT THE TABLE PEOPLE. Go and get drunk with your squad in the middle of Sunday y'all.

7.) The Natural History Museum is one of those places where I've gone to time after time, but going after hours and having a beer while looking at skeletons and mammals is a whole different experience to the packed weekends filled with kids. I felt a bit like I was back at school and trespassing and now, that's the only way I want to experience museums and exhibitions.

5 tweets...

"Now that Christmas is over & done with, Spring: come at me please. I'm ready for bare legs & no laddered tights"

"My hair is clean from dry shampoo & my phone's got a full battery for the 1st time in about 4 days. Am I adult-ing right yet?"

"When your flatmate comes to borrow a top off you for a night out & she says '...they're all cropped' OPPS."

"HONESTLY CAN ALL MY FRIENDS STOP BEING FLAKES. The only flakes I have room for in my life are those of the Cadbury variety "

"Every time Netflix pauses to ask if I want to continue watching, it makes me reevaluate my life & what I'm doing with it..."

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3 outfits...

There's not much else in my wardrobe that makes me happier than a gilet that's covered in pastel coloured feathers. I feel like as Brandon Flowers, if he was a flamingo. But when wearing something that's not-so-subtle, a long sleeve white tee and a button denim is all you need to go with it.

I will never be cool or Rock 'n' Roll as Stevie Nicks, but I can wear a deep plunge swishy dress with wide sleeves and covered in stars and pretend that I am. 

I love getting dressed up for a date. Well, I love any excuse to get dressed up anyway, but add pretty underwear into the equation of your maroon red, zip-up cord dress, and there's a possibility that love might be in the air tonight...