Friday, 29 April 2016

13 ways my childhood gave me unrealistic hair goals

If you were anything like me when I was younger, your hair is a BIG ol' deal. Like, I'm talking social life and death on the school playground here people.

And there were so many people on my TV screen, in my favourite films and in my toy box, that made me think I 100% had a handle on my hair. But now as a full-fledged adult (ish), I can whole heartedly say each and every one of them betrayed me in giving me regrettable goals and unrealistic achievements to do with my hair. HOW COULD YOU GUYS I LOOKED UP TO YOU.

1.) Snip snip!
Parent Trap made me think I could cut my own hair perfectly. Fast forward to me accepting a dare to cut off my fringe at Scouts camp and having to live with with teeny tiny hairs sprouting out for months to come. Just take your photo of Lindsey Lohan to the hairdressers instead kids.

2.)  Perfect pigtails
Because of my fave member of my fave girl group, I felt it was acceptable, neigh, my duty! To wear pigtails on top of my head, as high and swishy as possible. Even when some boys in my class said they looked like pineapples (meanies), I stuck with my guns and kept my head and pigtails high.

3.) Headband headaches
Oh Lizzie. Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie. Way before the sassy and glitzy headgear of Blair Waldorf a la Gossip Girl, there was you. And only you could get a young girl to try on headband after headband on her larger than average sized - at an awkwardly forward position may I add. And as if enabling many headband-related headaches wasn't enough...

4.) Mad, hot, mess also made me think that if I crimped parts of my hair and clipped sections up randomly, that would make me really 'edgy' and feel all punk. Oh dear. Take a seat lil' Amy - we need to have a word.

5.) Badass eh?
Of course, inevitably there will be a time where crimped hair alone just won't do. And during your devoted obsession with The O.C (which let's face it, has never really ended), you laid eyes on the oh-so-cool rock chick that was Alex, and saw her purple streak and knew you just had to have it too. That is, until you rocked up into school with it and your teacher told you to get rid of it. ASAP. Thank god it was just a glue in extension eh?

6.) Summer in bloom
It wasn't just Alex though - deep down my alliance was with Summer. So much so that I once ever took a screenshot of her from an episode, and printed the picture out so I could take it to the hairdressers with me. Yep. That actually happened. So it's no surprise that once upon a time I stuck the biggest and poffiest flowers in my crisped-curled hair, just like Summer did.

7.) Double trouble
Clipping a layer of your hair underneath all the rest of it to create some sort of faux fringe was completely my jam back in the day. Happy to report that is in the past, along with these bad boys...

8.) Flutterby butterfly
Of course every little girl wants a butterfly in her hair, right? But as if one metal-winged creature clamped onto your head wasn't enough, Sabrina the Teenage Witch convinced me that in this case, it was the more the merrier. Sadly, it just means a lot of your hair being tangled.

9.) Beach babes
MK & A continued to influence my hair choices well into my teens, when while binging on So Little Time, I was frazzle my hair with a Carmen Girls Angel Curlz wand and twist said locks while drenched in sea salt spray, just so I could get similar effortless beach waves like theirs. Sadly, I did not live on a beach, and it was by no means effortless.

10.) Side to side
Ah, Lindsey Lohan. When I bought her solo album (yeah, I'm just as confused as you are) and thought that sweeping all your hair from one side, to the other to completely cover your forehead like a combover was a top idea. Young Amy, stop trying to make a fake fringe happen. It's not gonna happen. You go and get one snipped in anyway you know.

11.) Long locks
Let's not forget the animated gals of my youth too. The scouts of the Sailor Moon gang made me wish and urge my hair to grow as long as possible so I could have a pony tail that's as swish-worthy as this. Said long lengths were quite hard to achieve when you have a dad that insists of giving you a bowl cut in the bathroom every few weeks.

12.) Barbie Babe
If my dad didn't cut my hair, I'm sure I would've convinced myself that I could cut my own after asking for this Cut 'N' Style Barbie doll for a present, time and time again. If only you could actually switch your hairstyle up this often, that easily. Sigh.

13.) Disney damsels
We can't talk about 2D gals without mentioning those Disney princesses. But trying to wash my hair like Meg while stood up in the bath tub, and tying up as many Princess Jasmine-esque bubbles in my pony tail as possible just resulted in a lot of tangled locks.

Until next time,

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