16 things that teenage me wouldn't believe will happen to her life

When I was 15 or so, I had SUCH an idea of what I thought my life and I was going to be like when I grew up.
PAH!
Oh, you knew nothing lil' Amy. You still know hardly anything now. So sit back while I tell you a couple of things that are going to happen to you, that you never thought would...

1.) You bloody go and get your nose pierced. 

It's not even something you knew you wanted, but my god, you love it oh-so-much. A cartilage piercing on your ear took you 2 years to pluck up the go and get, but your nose? Nah. After some fleeting thoughts, just stroll in there after a day's thought. You'll keep it in just for the year you're still a student in Sheffield you think to yourself.

But who are you kidding?  It's something that sparkles on your face - you're keeping that lil' sucker there, at least for a little while.

2.) Who'd have ever thunk it, but you'll end up LOVING olives, Brussel sprouts, wine AND even beer!

Sheffield turned you into a Pale Ale enthusiast. And maybe, just maybe, the fact you're not just drinking £2.99 pre-drink wine anymore helps. Just an inkling.

3.) Now this may come as a shock - so you may want to take a seat - but you don't want to be a fashion designer. 

I know it's been your dream since you were about 6 and played that fashion wheel toy to death. But you went to uni, and although you loved and wouldn't have changed a thing, all the dying of wool, constant pins pricking your fingers and sheer stress of it sheer fabrics, made your realise that you'd much rather admire it from afar before you fell out with it for good.

4.) After a lil trip to Malia, you won't ever want Sambuca to touch your lips again. 

Nop, nop noppity nop. Never want to hear the word 'fish' put together with the word 'bowl' ever again.

5.) You bloody love skirts and dresses.

After all those years fighting mum about wearing them (to be fair, she did dress you up in some pretty dire pieces that were reminiscent of curtains, back in the day), you realise that they're your BFF. Also, your favourite colour doesn't stay being navy blue that is usually found on your Reebok tracksuit bottoms - it's too hard to have just ONE favourite colour anyhow.

6.) You won't own a pair of Jimmy Choos by the time you're 21.

a.) you're too much of a shop-a-holic to save up that kind of money, b.) that's kinda insane, and c.) you really don't care about shoes that much - you're more of a bags kinda gal.

7.) Don't worry - your hair WILL grow long

So long in fact that it reaches the top of your trousers, so really, strop fretting about haircuts so much.

8.) You'll never save up and get the Juicy Couture velour tracksuit that has 'JUICY' tattooed on the bum. Soz. 

But you'll be glad of it. Trust me. They belong back in 2002, along with Paris Hilton.

8.) You never nail smoky eyes or become a pro at eyeshadow.

No matter how much you try and how many YouTube tutorials you follow and blending you do, you'll never get the hand or get into the habit of wearing eyeshadow that you wanted so much. Ain't no-body got time for that - you and your trusty eyeliner are a partnership made in heaven.

9.) Your schoolgirl crush on Harry Judd from McFly, won't fade.

You may not have posters up on your bedroom wall anymore, but your heart will still get all in a tizzy when you see snaps of him on drumming topless Instagram. Oof.

10.) You will finally get the hang of contact lenses. Trust me.
Yes, I know continuously prodding yourself in the eye with a piece of plastic until you're crying isn't fun. But they'll get to a time when you can do it hungover and without a mirror - pinky promise. And anyway, the older you get, the less fucks you give about wearing your glasses anyway, so it's a win-win all round really! (except for the fact you don't have good vision...)

11.) You WILL regret your highlights.

I know you think they're really cool, but...WHY, OH WHY, did you spend literal hours and £££ at the hairdressers, for blonde chunks?! Save your money, your poor hair, and yourself all the hassle. Dark - and hopefully mysterious - is the way to go. 

12.) You get a Masters degree - huzzah!

After all that time arguing with dad about how it's not the way things are done now, and you'd rather get straight into the industry, your fashion designer epiphany made you realise your passion and you realised you DEFINITELY weren't ready to be a legit adult yet. Being a student for another year while learning to be a proper journo sounds like a pretty good deal.

13.) You get pretty good at cooking (if you do say yourself *fingernail emoji*)

To say you used to bake scones that even your nan wouldn't pretend tasted nice, I think the words 'improved' would be apt to use here. You know how dad's a cook, so he kind of likes to be the boss of the kitchen and doesn't let anyone get a look-in? Well, that means you can't make anything for yourself to eat, bar scrambled eggs and ramen noodles. But fear not! Moving away to uni means you HAVE to learn to cook, cus y'know, otherwise you'll starve. So nailing the perfect jacket potato, turns to endless pasta combination, develops into insane salads and evolves into copious baked goods and a crackin' roast dinner.

14.) Fake tan and eyelashes aren't worth the effort.

I know that you wouldn't even bare the thought of going out-out without a set of lashes on. But all those Friday nights you spend slapping on brown goo on you (hello? you're asian...you've got olive-toned skin anyway!), and Saturday mornings waking up thinking you had spiders on your pillow, are just too much hassle. Reserve them for special occasions and fancy dress days.

15.) You move to London

Yes I know,  I know. I bet you can't even fathom the thought of this - what with your hatred of crowds, and love of the countryside and being a girl who was born and bred in suburbia. BUT, you know what? You get a crackin' job, some pretty sweet friends of yours live there, and there's tons of fun things to do. So all in all, you love it. And trust me, you'll get the hang of the tube - honestly? It's pretty simple and you'll grow attached to living on the Northern line.

16.) You haven't a clue what your doing with your life

I know at this point in your life, you think that being in your 20s is well grown-up, and you'll have your life well and truly sorted. But that couldn't be further from the truth. And that's more than OK. "I'll live in an amazing house with my dream job, with a killer car, with *the one*, and never have to borrow money from your parents ever again", thought EVERY 16-year-old ever.
But all of that isn't as easy as you think, and definitely entails more than you thinking 'Oh, I'd like to have a cream Mini Cooper!"
 Of course you're a way more well-rounded person at 23 than you are at 15, but me and you both know that we're just disguising as an adult in the real working world, and there's still so much of your story to live out yet!

So just hang tight and enjoy the ride kiddo.

20 pieces of fashion advice from younger me

We all have photos from our past that make our cringe glands flare up - whether that be a picture of you naked in a bath as a kid, or a snap from that precious first time Vodka got the best of you. 

Or, y'know, when your mum dressed you up in the cut-offs of her curtains, or orange leggings layered under checked dress (literally WTF?)

But sometimes, perhaps your younger self knew better - you frolicked through life footloose and fancy-free, and you didn't care what anyone else thought, because opinions weren't even a thing in your cartoon & nap-filled world. You just wore whatever the hell you wanted!

So, I think it's about time I took some tips from lil' Amy when it comes to all things fashion and style.

1.) Always make sure your shoes are shined & buffed to the max

There's nothing that ruins an outfit more than mucky shoes - am I right? So make sure you can see your beautiful reflection in those babies. And if you want to team them with frilly socks and a preppy, pleated skirt, well, then you'll look all the better for it.

2.) Match your bag to your trousers

Especially when said bag features a Disney fashion icon, and those trousers are checked and cute af.

3.) Sometimes all you need is a matching set of leggings and sweatshirt

If casual-sporty-chic is what you're going for, then look no further. Oh, don't forget your light-up trainers as well.

Especially when that set features your boy Bugs Bunny and your homegirl Lola, all wrapped up in a poweder blue background - I wore this lil' duo to death. God I loved this outfit, I legit wish I still had it now.

5.) In fact, you can't go wrong with a co-ord set

Literally wore a striped long-sleeve with a red skirt the other week. And lemme tell you, look is still looking strong.

6.) Sassy slogan tees are always appropriate

Sometimes words are just too much effort, and all your need to say can be done so via a sassy slogan. 'Fashion goes first'? 'Cute not just clever'? Yep. Definitely all very important points to make as a teen.

7.) You can never wear too much sparkle

Can I have a garland made up of stars around my neck everyday please? Don't worry, I've already got the glittery tutu.

8.) A pair of shades will take your outfit to the next level 

Whether it's for protecting your eyes or blocking out the haters, you should always have a pair of sunglasses on hand. Essential y'all.

9.) Yellow is a killer colour 

Yellow is one of my favourite colours, and not only just because it's so goddamn cheerful and happy, but also cause it compliments olive-asian skin tone like a godsend. Work. It.

10.) Sometimes all you need is a throwback sweatshirt

Animaniacs and chill-out sweatshirts are both as brilliant as each other. And you know it.

11.) Remember that hats are always an excellent option 

Especially if that hat is worn backwards, and features a tuft of your fringe spilling out of it. That's how all the cool kids wear it right?

12.) Especially when you're being a baller

Sometimes, you listen to some Biggie Smalls, and just want to rock the day with some Stussy and an Air Jordan tracksuit.

13.) Collars and tartan go together brilliantly 

Look how smug I look on the right that my coller's so darn frilly and cute. And who do I think I am flashing the inside of my checked coat so you can see the full beauty of that tartan and chain get-up?! OOTD in the making.

14.) Never forget to use knitwear as a cover-up

As someone who is quintessentially British as hell, knitwear is always the right option - cardigans, jumpers, cable knits - you know it makes sense. (Odd rolled-up hairstyle: optional)

15.) Always remember to represent your idol

Remember to cross your arms because you're wearing an Ariel jumper and that means your DA BOSS, or if it's in the wash, then don't forget to leave the house without your My Little Mermaid colouring-in kit.

16.) When in doubt, remember your hair accessories

Minnie mouse ears, gemstone-studded cowboy hats - it's all good. 

17.) Don't forget your roots

Just like my homegirl J.Lo says, "Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got, I'm still, I'm still Jenny from the block." Remember where you came from guy and gals, and represent yo.

18.) Denim denim denim

Denim jackets back then. Denim jackets still now. Denim sandals worn with socks - not so much...

19.) If all else fails, STRIKE A POSE

WHO DO I THINK I AM. Arms in the air like I just don't care apparently. And I'm thinking I need to bring back those crossed legs as my signature move, right? (Also, is it mad to think the velvet-floral emsemble on the right is kiiiinda channeling Alexa Chung vibes? Long shot? Ok.)

20.) Oh, and the best accesory?

A great big, fat smile! 

Even when your sunglasses aren't properly on your face and your Barbie heart-shaped watch doesn't even tell the time, your outfit will always look on point if you're wearing the emotion, Happy No.5

Stay happy!

Until next time,

A.x

12 Things I'd Tell Drunk Me

Dear drunk Amy:

Hey, it's sober Amy here! Hope you're doing well - did you ever book that trip to Tunisia that you planned to? Anyway, I just wanted to have a little chat, cus I wish we could both just get along and play nice! Sure, we work together better and better with every night out or bottle of wine, but I think it's time we had a bit of a team talk. So here's some things and pieces of advice I want to address to you that you'll hopefully take on board while you down your next Glitterbomb....

1.) Don’t roll home still singing at the top of your lungs in the early hours of the morning

Yes, I know you had a great night and just want it to carry on by singing Call Me Maybe/Arctic Monkeys/No Diggity. But your poor neighbours! And as if the volume wasn't bad enough, just FYI, you ain't no Mariah Carey.

2.) Whatever you do, DON'T throw up in the taxi home
It's only happened once, but dear god was it embarrassing and 50 shades of gross. Don't worry, it happens to the best of us, just let's not have a repeated episode of it yeah?

3.) Stop attempting to make yummy potato goods when you get in at 3am

I know all you want is wedges, cheesy jacket potatoes and to gorge on a bowl of mash - but just get chips at the kebab shop like a normal person k? It’ll save the confusion and mess of half peeled spuds and herb-sprinkled baking trays the next morning. 

Not to mention it’s highly dangerous to mix alcohol with knives…

4.) Stop! after the 3rd tequila shot

You love tequila! You genuinely do, with or without lemon and salt - shocking I know - and others just don't understand the delicate love and bond you have and share. 

But it's a fine line to whether it loves you back or not. Up to 3 tequilas makes you as happy Pharrell Williams in a hat, but any more than that, and it ain't pretty. Trust me.

5.)Step away from your phone!

Not only are you a chronic drunk-texter, but you've evolved into a pretty bad drunk-snapchatter. I get it, you wish that that friend you love was here with you, but they probs don't appreciate having their phone go off at 4am with you screaming down the other end of it. And don't even get me started about the boys you decide to contact in your gin-fuelled drunken haze. Bad decisions all round. 

6.) Free champagne doesn't mean pour as much down your throat as you can

Cus limits and shit. Remember when dad had to haul his grown-ass daughter to bed cause she couldn't get into it? Yeah, well, let's not have that happen ever again....

7.) You need to chill the fuck out with your facial expressions 

Others have been known to say you have the facial expressions that of a selection of emoticons and emojis. And I feel ya girl, you're just having a real fun time, and can't contain that and it overflows onto your face (and there's also a little big of you that feels you're being a bit Cara Delevigne with your wacky poses). But just, calm it a lil' bit. Your Facebook feed will thank you for it.

8.) Back the hell away from that cigarette

You, Amy WY Lo, are a terrible social smoker. One drink down your throat and you're on a hunt for a smoke like a game of Where's Wally. You know it's terrible for you. You judge dad that he used to be like a chimney. You hate it! So just stop it, k?

9.) Vodka jellies are always a lot more tricky to shot that you think

You've had a few drinks, gotten a bit cocky, and before you know it, you've accepted a challenge and am taking part in a race of downing them. What you forget is that those wibbly-wobbly creatures are stuck in there pretty darn good, and you end up scraping that sucker out with your tongue like a spotty teen having their first kiss.

Oh, and don't think vodka gummi bears are just fun and games either. They're lethal lil' buggers.

10.) Please don’t lose your keys

You're pretty good with your belongings, not an ID even misplaced - and I know, I know, the keys things only happened that one time. And that lovely girl picked them up, and found you to return them to you! (Faith in humanity restored). But it'll just save you all the hassle of trying to crack your door down with a credit card, or the shame of having to ask your landlord for a spare key at silly o' clock.

11.) Oh, on the issue of locks, don't lock yourself in the bathroom!

You've gone to brush your teeth, or like that time where you felt like you might throw up, so you took yourself to the bathroom - good job btw - but maybe just keep the door shut and unlocked. Cus you've fallen asleep before, and then your housemates think something's to you while banging on the door, when all it is is that you've curled up on the rug with a toothbrush hanging out of your mouth.

12.) Kudos on letting your friends know how much you bloomin' love them

You've had a bit of rum and am feeling a bit melty and rather happy - evenmore so than usual - and you'll know doubt grab your friends towards you for a cuddle and a kiss, and profess your love and appreciation of them and the friendship you share. Which is all true as gold! But tbh, you'd probs be doing the same if you were sober anyway, cus we're both just soppy motherfuckers like that. 

Do you have any of these bad drunk traits?! I know I'm not the only one!

Stay happy!

Until next time,

A.x

The Good of being Sad

As I type this, I'm trying to catch my breath as a sniffling hot mess, with tears rolling down my face.

I'm upset. And that's ok.

Ask anyone, and they'll say I'm a pretty happy-go-lucky and optimistic person. Imagine a kangaroo in Disneyland - that's me. 

I've also know and constantly remind myself how fortunate I am and my life is. I've got a roof over my head, friends and family who support me emotionally and financially, and more clothes than a 6-year-old's Barbie doll.

But sometimes you just feel down in life, and being and staying upbeat when you're not feeling like that, can take it's toll. 

To be honest, I don't think January Blues are helping either.

My dad isn't one to always show his emotions or when he's upset, and growing up, if I were to shed a tear or two, I would instantly be told to stop it, or asked what on earth I was crying about. And to be fair, I am an absolute sucker when it comes to soppy heartfelt movies and I wasn't very good at being in control of my emotions when I was a hormonal teenager with a long-distance boyfriend.
But I'm quite the opposite to my dad- if I think you're great, you'll receive limitless hugs to show it, and you don't even want to see the state I get in when I watch the first 15 minutes of 'Up'.

Having my head screwed on a bit more now though, tears are a rarer occasion, but dear lord, these past couple of days they've crept up on me, and today, I've just burst out into tears for no logical reason.
And I've come to realized that that's fine. 

If you're feeling shit, then dear god, let yourself feel shit.

Showing emotions doesn't mean you're weak, it means you care. And crying doesn't mean you've failed, it means you're human.

(WARNING: going to get all philosophical and soppy on your asses)

Life is a fucking weird, wonderful and bumpy ride with a endless spectrum of emotions. So with the hysterical laughter fits, there's gotta be some sob fests in there too, otherwise how would you appreciate the amazing-ness of all the good bits?

There's not really a purpose to this post. I'm not writing this so that people can pity me, but I'm writing it because sometimes a good ol' cry can do you the world of good, and you shouldn't be ashamed of it. And people should know that and not be ashamed of it.

But my god I'm not going to wallow in it. I've stopped off at the sobbing station and have sat down there for a coffee, but I'm not renting out a B&B for a week there. After I've finished my coffee, I'm putting on my kicks - yes I said kicks - and continuing on my run into the sunset. 

(What on earth is this analogy I've come up with).

Let those tears flow, have a cup of tea, or a G&T or two, and then fix up and carry on as the sparkly, fantastic person that you are.

Stay happy! - or not, stay whatever you're goddamn feeling.
Until next time,
A.x