13 ways my childhood gave me unrealistic hair goals

If you were anything like me when I was younger, your hair is a BIG ol' deal. Like, I'm talking social life and death on the school playground here people.

And there were so many people on my TV screen, in my favourite films and in my toy box, that made me think I 100% had a handle on my hair. But now as a full-fledged adult (ish), I can whole heartedly say each and every one of them betrayed me in giving me regrettable goals and unrealistic achievements to do with my hair. HOW COULD YOU GUYS I LOOKED UP TO YOU.

1.) Snip snip!

Parent Trap made me think I could cut my own hair perfectly. Fast forward to me accepting a dare to cut off my fringe at Scouts camp and having to live with with teeny tiny hairs sprouting out for months to come. Just take your photo of Lindsey Lohan to the hairdressers instead kids.

2.)  Perfect pigtails

Because of my fave member of my fave girl group, I felt it was acceptable, neigh, my duty! To wear pigtails on top of my head, as high and swishy as possible. Even when some boys in my class said they looked like pineapples (meanies), I stuck with my guns and kept my head and pigtails high.

3.) Headband headaches

Oh Lizzie. Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie. Way before the sassy and glitzy headgear of Blair Waldorf a la Gossip Girl, there was you. And only you could get a young girl to try on headband after headband on her larger than average sized - at an awkwardly forward position may I add. And as if enabling many headband-related headaches wasn't enough...

4.) Mad, hot, mess

...you also made me think that if I crimped parts of my hair and clipped sections up randomly, that would make me really 'edgy' and feel all punk. Oh dear. Take a seat lil' Amy - we need to have a word.

5.) Badass eh?

Of course, inevitably there will be a time where crimped hair alone just won't do. And during your devoted obsession with The O.C (which let's face it, has never really ended), you laid eyes on the oh-so-cool rock chick that was Alex, and saw her purple streak and knew you just had to have it too. That is, until you rocked up into school with it and your teacher told you to get rid of it. ASAP. Thank god it was just a glue in extension eh?

6.) Summer in bloom

It wasn't just Alex though - deep down my alliance was with Summer. So much so that I once ever took a screenshot of her from an episode, and printed the picture out so I could take it to the hairdressers with me. Yep. That actually happened. So it's no surprise that once upon a time I stuck the biggest and poffiest flowers in my crisped-curled hair, just like Summer did.

7.) Double trouble

Clipping a layer of your hair underneath all the rest of it to create some sort of faux fringe was completely my jam back in the day. Happy to report that is in the past, along with these bad boys...

8.) Flutterby butterfly

Of course every little girl wants a butterfly in her hair, right? But as if one metal-winged creature clamped onto your head wasn't enough, Sabrina the Teenage Witch convinced me that in this case, it was the more the merrier. Sadly, it just means a lot of your hair being tangled.

9.) Beach babes

MK & A continued to influence my hair choices well into my teens, when while binging on So Little Time, I was frazzle my hair with a Carmen Girls Angel Curlz wand and twist said locks while drenched in sea salt spray, just so I could get similar effortless beach waves like theirs. Sadly, I did not live on a beach, and it was by no means effortless.

10.) Side to side

Ah, Lindsey Lohan. When I bought her solo album (yeah, I'm just as confused as you are) and thought that sweeping all your hair from one side, to the other to completely cover your forehead like a combover was a top idea. Young Amy, stop trying to make a fake fringe happen. It's not gonna happen. You go and get one snipped in anyway you know.

11.) Long locks

Let's not forget the animated gals of my youth too. The scouts of the Sailor Moon gang made me wish and urge my hair to grow as long as possible so I could have a pony tail that's as swish-worthy as this. Said long lengths were quite hard to achieve when you have a dad that insists of giving you a bowl cut in the bathroom every few weeks.

12.) Barbie Babe

If my dad didn't cut my hair, I'm sure I would've convinced myself that I could cut my own after asking for this Cut 'N' Style Barbie doll for a present, time and time again. If only you could actually switch your hairstyle up this often, that easily. Sigh.

13.) Disney damsels

We can't talk about 2D gals without mentioning those Disney princesses. But trying to wash my hair like Meg while stood up in the bath tub, and tying up as many Princess Jasmine-esque bubbles in my pony tail as possible just resulted in a lot of tangled locks.

Until next time,

A.x

11 reasons to swipe the hell left on Tinder

Once upon a time, I was swiping left and right on my phone like nobody's business

There were cute boys to chat to, who were saying silly-nice things to me until I resembled the blushing face emoji…what’s not to be on board with eh?

But sadly, the Tinder fairytale wasn’t meant to be. After deleting and re-downloading the app more times than a reality tv star promotes their workout DVD - usually when I’ve ran out of memory on my camera roll and then when I’m feeling hungover and needy on a rainy Sunday - I decided to banish it out of my life once and for all at the end of summer last year.
 (well, apart from logging in again for these screenshots - research and all)

And it’s not surprising to see why…

1.) Same shit, different day

Yeah, sliding your thumb from side-to-side is pretty easy and fun at times. But when you’re on a packed train and have stayed working late, the last thing on my mind is typing out one meaningless small talk after another, which took 20 left-swiped creeps to get to.


2.) It can be cringe-central

As someone who loves nothing more than a good pun, a cheesy line sadly does make me laugh more than it should but...even for a punster like me, there's a limit. Sometimes, it's just all too gouda to be true...

3.) Sometimes it's like talking to a robot

Hi, no I don't know what a girl like me is doing in a place like this, and yes I do like to have a fun time (you mean going roller-skating right?). I have a feeling that a strong case of copy and pasting is in use here.

4.) Sometimes it's racially questionable

I meannn.... Thanks? I think?

5.) Sometimes people are straight to the point



Short and sweet eh?

6.) And sometimes people are just looking for one thing (surprise surprise)


Well...at least they know what they're there for?! I’m don't have a fucking clue: A pretty face or a pretty decent conversation?! I get my ego stroked for a good while before feeling just a bit empty gonna be honest.

7.) It goes nowhere 

Might as well be on MSN and asking "wuu2?...nm, u?", while in my head, screaming 'WHY HAVEN'T YOU ASKED TO ACTUALLY MEET ME YET'


8.) You’re guilt-tripped for not wanting it to go anywhere

Sometimes, a handsome face lures you in, but the chat just isn't quite your cup of tea, which y'know, HAPPENS. Cus that's life. So you politely decline instead of lying or ghosting them (the absolute worst FYI). And for your honesty, you're met with cries of "WTF"', "are you serious" and "c'mon it's only fair".


9.) You’re constantly checking your phone

"Sorry, you were telling me about your day but I wasn't paying attention cus I was seeing if Tom the photographer who's 10 km away with the piercing green eyes has messaged me back."

10.) You’ve always got a low battery

As if liking photos on Instagram and Snapchatting your Friday night dancing along to Destiny’s Child didn’t drain your battery enough.

11.) You miss out on real life

Yep. I've been guilty of checking my phone more than I should, but it never got in the way and replaced my actual life. I’ve been out before at clubs, pubs, parties, get-togethers, and seen people just swiping away on their phones at the bar or in the corner on their own, away from all the interaction and people who are physically there. And that just makes me feel a bit sad y’know?

I’ve fallen in love with First Dates (along with the rest of the country) and as well as the show making me feel all smushy and in love with love, one of my biggest irks about it is when people appear on and have a whole tick-list of what they want in their perfect partner. Not to put a downer on things, but, aren’t you kinda setting yourself up for disappointment?

Going into a first date with an open-mind and open-heart is the only way to go...no?! And yeah, it might not go well or include more than it's fair share of awkward silences, but that’s OK!
(How else are you going to fill that autobiography of yours with fun anecdotes?)


My read at the moment is the always-funny Aziz Ansari’s Modern Romance, and he’s hit the nail on the head with how I feel about about this who Tinder malarky:

“I would rather put myself in those social situations than get exhausted…While we may think we know what we want, we're often wrong.
There's not a dating service on this planet that can do what the human brain can do in terms of finding the right person."

TRUTH.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Tinder or any dating app - I went on some dates, met some nice people that I got on with from it, and have friends who are in kickass relationships from it - and I hope y’all have better luck or fun on it on your search for your Tinderella or whatever it is you're on there for.

 But for me? Afraid I'm swiping left on it - I’m having a whale of a time with the fun and cringe of my real life.

Until next time...

Stay happy!

A.x

18 times the The Powerpuff Girls was way too real

The Powerpuff Girls were my jam back in the day. That theme song. The striped dress. THOSE GIRLS.

And what with the freelance lifestyle I'm living and the Netflix subscription I'm repping, I'm not gonna lie - I've been reliving my childhood and indulginging in some PPG marathons. And oh my, has it been glorious. 

If you thought the cartoon was pretty fab when you were 6-years-old and watching it on a Saturday morning in your pjs, then get ready to have your mind blown as an adult over the innuendos, cheeky jokes and actual life lessons it contains. Honestly. It's a bit TOO real.

Don't believe me? Just take a look for yourself...

1.) First thing's first, TRUTH.

No further comments needed.... (LOL)

2.) Confrontation is awkward as FUCK

Coming from someone who notoriously shies away from confrontation, you can go from mumbling idiot to blurting out your feelings in about 0 to 60.

3.) Diets are a fad

Kinda wanna look like a Victoria's Secret model. Kinda wanna eat burgers and fries. The struggle is so very real.

4.) Just you do you babes, and that's all that matters

That only person that is allowed an opinion on your life, what you do with it and how you live it is, well, YOU.

5.) Sometimes your hair will just have a life of it's own

No amount of serum of twists around your curler will sort out that sitch. You've just gotta put it down as a bad hair day and move on. 

6.) Never judge a book by it's cover

You wouldn't want someone to do that to you right? So don't do that to others! Everyone's living their own life their own way.

7.) You don't have to prove yourself to anyone

 If you being you isn't good enough for them, well, that just means they're definitely not worth your time.

8.) The internet has the answer for everything

Google that shit.

9.) Gender equality is a tough ol' thing

It's getting better, but it's oh boy, is it still a bit of a struggle. 

10.) Admit to your flaws

We all have them and the best thing you can do is embrace them and explore ways you can improve on them.

11.) Some people are just dicks, and you'll never know why

If only we would just nice to one another, the world would be such a better place! It's so simple it hurts.

12.) Don't let people kill your vibe

YOU'RE AN UNIQUE, SPARKLY, BADASS UNICORN WHO IS LOVED AND SPECIAL IN THIS WORLD AND DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE.

12.) Early mornings never get easier

Caffeine please, PRONTO.

13.) Zzz is oh-so-important

It's more than just beauty sleep. It's essential and keeps-you-sane sleep.

14.) You should embrace your feelings - even when they're shit ones

With the fab times, comes the shit times, and when those times roll around, just allow yourself to feel down in the dumps for a bit. It'll get better again in no time.

15.) And whatever you do, DON'T bottle those feelings up!

Vent, baby, vent.

16.) It's important to make time to take care of yourself

Treat yo'self and love yo'self.

17.) You'll never please everyone

Not everyone's your cup of tea, so you're not gonna be everyone's. There's plenty of people who love you and those who don't? They can just slide on by.

18.) And you can never go wrong with being nice

BE NICE OK.

Until next time,

A.x