14 things I'll never EVER understand

There's some things in life that I've learned to love or love to learn about - coriander, the taste of beer, how to make pasta - but there's just some things that I don't think I'll ever be able to grasp. 

I feel like I'm failing at life by not knowing these things but I just don't think I'll ever understand. At all. And that's just something I'm gonna have to live with, sigh.

1.) How to do the monkey bars

Or a hand-stand or cartwheel for that matter. Upper arm strength has never been and never will be my strong point, so please, never challenge me to an arm wrestle. It'll just end in me crying and with broken muscles.

2.) People looking fabulous when they leave the airport

You've just been suspended in a metal tin in the sky for hours, where the recycled air is not your skin's best friend. HOW on earth is your make-up flawless, your hair on point and are you strutting through airport security like a Victoria's Secret angel in stilettos, while I look like a shrivelled-up jacket potato?

3.) Why I like tequila so much

I honestly and whole-heartedly enjoy drinking tequila, not just to shot down as a quick-fix way to get drunk (and definitely without salt and lime please). 

NO, I DON'T KNOW WHY EITHER BUT I DO K.

4.) How people don't like Disney/Breakfast Club/Friends

I mean...just..how?! Sorry. Get out. We can't co-exist like this.

5.) How Cher Horowitz managed to pull off THIS all-time fave look

If you know me, you'll know my infinite love for Cher and all things fluffy and Clueless related. On paper, a long sheer shirt, worn over a argyle miniskirt with a cropped knitted tank top on top...sounds like absolute madness and believe me, I've tried it - and I looked like a golfer who'd stolen a blouse off their mum, who's a teacher and shrunken their jumper in the wash. But on screen? Oh baby, it's an outfit of dreams.

6.) Why some people are such dicks

JUST DON'T. Let's all just be nice humans y'all!

7.) Why people dislike pop music

It's pop music because it's popular, and if that's the only reason you're hating on it, then quit being such a hipster spoilsport - it's just some fun! I know you dance along to Carly Rae Jepson alone in your room like the rest of us.

8.) Why I can never cook Chinese food as well as my dad

He's taught me just how he does it, but when I leave the Lo household and try to recreate it back in my own abode, following the instructions to the tee, it just doesn't taste anywhere near as good. It's aiiiight, but IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME. Whyyyy.

9.) How Adele talks like this...

and sings like THIS

It's one of the most beautiful mysteries of the world.

10.) The most efficient way to pee with a jumpsuit on

Basically, there isn't one. You're either completely naked in a cubicle trying not to let your playsuit touch the sticky floor. Or if you're wearing shorts, you decide for once you're just going to manoeuvre your outfit strategically and you'll have finally have cracked this conundrum once and for all.

All it means is that you end up peeing on yourself and you wonder why you ever thought this was a good idea.

11.) Putting on mascara without pulling a face
I've tried. Oh man, have I tried.

12.) How much pasta to cook

It's always either the amount you would feed a small child, or enough for an army (which you'll envietably end up eating all of it anyway, cus, y'know...PASTA). 

13.) Just how much to filling to put inside a fajita
Maybe I'm just greedy. Maybe I've got bad perception. But I always fill my fajitas and it ends up overspilling, but I still think I can eat it, and before you know it, there's guacamole in my lap and everyone else at the dinner table has left me and my mess.

14.) How to NOT have wispy baby hairs when I put my hair up

I can't put up my hair up in a ponytail without at least a dozen kirby grips in it to stop my looking like Albert Einstein after an electric shock. ARIANA GRANDE TEACH ME YOUR WAYS.

Until next time...

A.x

Make up your mind October

The problem when you have quite an addictive personality like me is when you commit to something, you kind of do with it all guns blazing. And that's no exception when it comes the way I dress. Transitional wardrobe? What transitional wardrobe? 

It's wrapping in every single dark winter accessory you own - hats, boots, scarves - the whole lot...

Or it's either legs out in pretty pastels...

Hi, am I Britney yet? Well, when you're going on a night out when it specifically Beyonce vs. Britney, how can you not don your metallics leather skirt, fluffy heels and stick some glitter on your face?

But of course, pretty pastels have their place in all the autumnal shades too - coats that the Sugarplum Fairy and Elle Woods would be envious of are all you need to survive the British chill.

Oh, and always make sure that your undies and socks match under all the layers that you've piled on. You know. Just in case.

And then there's those times in Autumn when you go for stroll around a park in your dungarees, and because it's a lazy Sunday, you put your hair in a hun and whack on your shades thinking you look pretty rockin' with Caroline Flack vibes. But then your friend shatters your dreams when she tells you that you look like Belle's father - the inventor - from Beauty and the Beast.

Cheers mate.

And of course, being October, there's Halloween. I flipping Halloween (despite hating all things spooky like scary movies) and this year I really grabbed the day by the horns and did a double Halloween and double fancy dress.

 Literally couldn't have been two more split personalities. From a zombie cub scout where everything went horribly wrong down at the woods at cub scout camp, to going as the sultry dark mistress of the Addams family that is Morticia. (Seriously - may throw out all my pastels and become a goth...)

And when the morning after the night before rolls around and you may be a bit worse for wear to think of what to wear, you can't really go wrong with a jumper and skirt combo, whether you want to go sensible or silly.

 But there are days when that's even too much and you just have to ride out your hangover with a dungaree dress, hot dog sweatshirt, glittery sunglasses and a glass of milk in a flamingo glass. 

Happens to the best of us...

Stay happy!

Until next time...

A.x 

18 reasons why Britney is the queen

I know you've got your Yonces and Gagas, and hey, I love those ladies as much the next person - SLAY - but Miss.Britney Jean Spears is the pop princess of my sparkly heart. And here's why (as if you even need telling).

1.) Her midriff was the epitome of the 90s 

Just look at it - it's like a statue to be admired! And tbh, it ain't looking too shabby still to this day. Words from the lady herself: "If you want a hot body, you better work bitch."

2.) I pretended to be her in concert in my living room

Oh yeah. 8-year-old me totally pretended to have a Britney headset on, while strutting up and down that burgundy carpet, pointing out to the crowd with all my might.

3.) THOSE DANCEMOVES

She's a smooth slicker. The amount of time I spent copying the routines from her music video is silly. And also the amount of times I re-enact the routine from 'Crazy' if it comes on when I'm on a night out, is equally as ridiculous.

Girl can even bust out choreography 

 while lying down! Who needs to stand up anyway?

4.) Toxic is a flipping great pop song

Seatbelts on, and ready for take-off through a lesson in phenomenal pop with air hostess Brit.

5.) The metallic leather green top in 'Crazy'

Not gonna lie, still want this now. Not only is 'Crazy' my fave song from Ms.Spears, but it also features one of my fave outfits. Would defo wear this with some high-waisted black skinnies or a maxi skirt. YASS.

6.) And this hot pink and lace green combo in Overprotected

Brave move gurl, brave move. Not many people can pull off a distressed, shredded, button-up hot pink mini skirt, paired with a sheer, lace top with slitted sleeves, layered over a coral bra (that was a mouthful!), but Britney nails it with a shimmy along the way.

7.) She changed school uniforms for the rest of time.

Knee high sock and pigtail plaits were never the same again ever since the words 'Hit Me Baby One More Time' were uttered.

8.) I'd totally still wear this outfit to go on a carousel

In fact, I'd very much like most of Britney's outfits in my wardrobe please kthnxbye. Also, why am I not on carousels for more of my life?! That's surely a crime.

9.) Lucky was more close to home and poetic then she ever even knew

"If there's nothing missing in her life, then why do these tears come at night?"

10.) Slave 4 u era was a hazy, steamy dream of gemstones, smoky eyes and reptiles

BRB while I find a strip of fuschia to bandage around my body. I think I'll skip on the python though...

11.) Oh, and the hair!

How I longed for tousled beach waves, however, my Carmen Angel Curlz curling wand had other ideas. Mainly involving burnt fingers and knotty hair.

12.) She rocks sportswear 

While the rest of us mere mortals have our hair scraped up and slicked back by sweat, B-Swizzle looks like an absolute baller (see what I did there?)

13.) She pulls off a red PVC catsuit like no other

No further questions your honour.

14.) She's the master of sheer nude get-ups

When it comes to strategically placed sparkly gems, she's your girl. Sassy & nekkid (yes, naked) ain't an easy combo to pull off y'know?

15.) The Circus time period was full of magic and whimsy

So underrated, I mean srsly, it's Ms.Spears as a ringmaster in an arena of top hats and sprkly tricks - Cirque de WHO? 

16.) She's sassy as heck

Bitchez to one side pls.

17.) SHE RISED FROM THE ASHES LIKE A GLORIOUS PHEONIX

Yeah yeah, we all remember the head shaving, and let's not talk about the umbrella incident. But hey, gurl had some tough times and was over-worked y'all. We all have our bad stints in life, and she got back up, worked her lil' tush off like only Britney knows how, and now, just look at her soar!

18.) She's the queen y'all!

Nuff' said.

LONG REIGN BRITNEY.

Who's the pop princess of your life?

Stay happy!

Until next time,

A.x

Hey! I don't know about you, but I'm feeling...older than 22....

Taylor Swift - I hear you.
I often feel happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time, and I like to cook the occasional breakfast to eat at midnight.

 But I've got to say, recently, I've been feeling much older 22.

You know those compilation albums where they collect a whole bunch of songs from an era, and smoosh them into one CD for you? Like the 'Now, that's what I call music!' series. (I'm found out I'm actually part of the 'Now' 40s era...and they're now up to number 88...)

Apart from the fact that no-one really buys/needs these anymore - who needs them when there's making your own playlist? - an advert for one came, that was a throwback to the noughties. And all the songs that was being played out of the TV, were all ones that I grew up listening... I couldn't believe that something from my era, was now being marketed as retro!
So, along with that, there were a few more things that were maker me feel older than I actually am.

After years of being on the younger side of the generational gap, the tables have suddenly turned!

22 reasons, why I feel older than 22:

1.) Like I said, when the era that you grew up in, is now considered as retro...

For me, that's everything from music, gaming and fashion - Gameboy colour and 90s chockers anyone?

2.) When a stranger refers to you as 'that lady'...

"No, wait....I'm only like 2 years older than you! You're very polite, but you don't need to refer to me so seriously. I'm young and fun like you too - call me 'dude'!"

3.) When I don't understand a phrase or acronym that's being used...

In the sea of 'baes' and a new meme being born everyday, it's hard to keep up with all these new words.

Even though I had to write out a definition of 'slay' for a friend the other day...
 with new ones being hashtagged everyday, who can even keep up?

4.) When you judge people who are younger than you...
"How are you out in this weather without a jacket on?! You must be so cold - Here. Have a cup of tea!"

5.) When someone has no idea about something, despite coming into contact with it on a daily basis...

You know that 'save' button? Yep. It's an actual, real-life thing that we used to physically save documents on. Boys & girls, I give to you - the floppy disk.

6.) When you can't work a piece of technology, and have to ask for help...

I like to think of myself as a pretty tech-savvy person. But when my 7-year-old nephew knows how to work my phone better than I do? I'm in trouble...

7.) The fact that TV shows you lived and breathed for, are now having anniversaries...

The O.C - I was obsessed with that show. 

I had pictures of Seth and Ryan stuck onto my homework diary with love hearts scribbled all over them. I quoted Sandy's quick quips and Julie's sassy sayings, and lusted over Mischa's wardrobe and Summer's hair. And I can't believe they had their 10-year anniversary last year....surely it can't have been a decade ago since I was singing 'Californiaaaa' at the top of my lungs?!

8.) When new popstars are younger than you...

This is especially worrying when you find them attractive, and have to google their age to see to let yourself know if it's morally ok or not. (I've checked - Aston from 5SOS is 20. It's all above board.)

9.) When you hear about a death, and the names become more and more the people that you know...

10.) The realistion that some kids will ony know songs that are covers of one that you love and grew up with, and think that they're actually the original version...

As much I love myself a bit of One Direction and their cover of 'One Way of Another' was for Comic Relief and helping a great cause. When I heard a girl saying how talented they were for writing such an amazing song, I just wanted to throw her a Blondie album. 

Debbie Harry is the goddess of rock 'n' roll! 

11.) When you have to ask someone how old they are when they ask if they can have your number...
Tragically, this has genuinely happened to me more than once. After a bit of chatting and a drink:
"So , can I get your number?"
"That's really nice but, aren't you a teenager?..."

12.) Things that you love, have now been discoutinued...

Myspace, Bebo, Piczo - I logged into these recently and was devastated to find that all those memories, and sweat and effort that were into HTML formatting, were all good. 13-year-old Amy was super emo about the whole situation.

Genuinely one of my old profile photos from MySpace...

13.) When everything seems to be more expensive nowadays...

"In my day!...." 
Yep. I've become one of those people.

14.) When people consider the popstars that you idolised, to be irrelevant now...

I don't care what you say, Britney will always be my Queen.
"IT'S BRITNEY BITCH"

No-one else rocks a red PVC catsuit like Britney!

15.) When you see freshers pack off and move to uni...

And kind of wish you were going too, and doing it all over again.
But also really happy that you'll be safe in the knowledge that you're not going to be drinking a questionable concoction of spirits in a sticky venue...

16.) When child actors and popstars that you grew with, are now dating/getting into trouble...

"MACAULAY CULKIN! You're not old enough to get arrested for drugs and going to jail...you're 12 and still setting up booby traps for unsuspecting burglers!"
Oh wait. You're actually an adult and can do whatever you want.

17.) Bands you went to watch and learnt dance routuine to, are now having reunions...
Oh, S Club 7 - you used to take pride and joy plastered as posters on my wall. But with S Club 3...well...you know, some things are just better left in the past, as a happy memory...
(Saying that, an official SClub7 Twitter account has just been verified - EXCITEMENT!)

18.) That Polly Pocket, isn't so pocket anymore...

And also, after 10 years after my favourite trio, The Powerpuff Girls, retired from the TV screen, they've made a return. But much to my disappointment, with a new and not so improved look....

19.) When you don't understand current trends...
So, is it a 'thing' for boys to wear t-shirts 5 sizes too big and jeans 2 sizes too tight nowadays?

20.) When you're closer to ticking the '+25' box than you are the '+18' that you've grown so so accustomed to...
As if filling in tedious forms wasn't depressing enough.

21.) When the re-packing or new versions of something you grew up with, just bamboozles you...

It's like that old saying: 'if it's not broke, don't fix it'. Now if someone was to hand me a new version of Bop It, I wouldn't even know how to play it, with 20 extra buttons on it.

22.) When you stop caring what other people think, and realise you're not always right...

Because there comes a time where you stop doing things to stop pleasing others, to be popular, or because it's cool. And you just do things because you like it and it makes you happy. Whether that's the kind of music you, the people you want as friends, the clothes you wear - you stop caring about what other people think about you, and start caring about yourself, and being proud about the person you're growing into - and that's undoubtedly one of the best things about getting older!

What things make you feel older than your age? And what do you love and miss from your past?

Let me know in the comments below!

Stay sassy & stay happy!

Until next time,

A.x