The Beginning of the Start

As I'm snuggled up in bed - catching up on some much needed relaxing time - I can't believe I'm typing this, but, I'VE FINISHED MY MASTERS DEGREE!

Little ol' me, with a Masters degree...who'd have ever thunk it?!

This year has been the most stressful, fun, busiest, ridiculous, and hardest working ones of my life so far. 

And I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

I had a final group dissertation to create a magazine. 6 of us created a concept, knew exactly who our reader would be, interviewed people, wrote pieces, filmed and edited videos, and designed pages until our eyes turned into 8-bit squares. And Robyn was born.

A magazine for smart, funny, inquisitive and intelligent teenage girls - with the beautiful Olivia Purvis from What Olivia Did on the cover to boot! It had inspiring celebs that mattered, blogging and vlogging content galore, diverse fashion and music, real and important issues, and our own inspiring young girls. When I look through it, it makes me think how much I would've loved Robyn when I was a teen (and how much of a teen I still am really at heart!)

It was our baby, and I've never been more proud of a piece of work, or worked as hard on something.

I'm not saying on my undergraduate degree I didn't work hard - believe me, I did (I've got the needle scars and permanently stained sketchbooks to prove it!) - but looking back, that was only a fraction of the effort and hours of this, and I guess that's only going to continue to happen. I know I'll look back at this some point later on in life, and think that it was a walk in the park. Hell, even during this year, I look back at the previous magazine I made by myself and think "God, I could have done that better" or "Argh, why didn't I add that into it...I had way enough time!" 

But that's just life, and for the 1st time in it, I have no idea what I'm doing next. And that's OK.

Up until this point, everything in my life has been somewhat planned out. School, GSCEs, 6th Form, A-levels, Uni, Masters. And now, well, I haven't a clue - and it's fucking terrifying and exciting all at once!

As someone who likes to have things planned (my spontaneous friend Kim will tell you how annoying this can be), it does make me panic when I think, "Oh god, when am I gonna move out again? Where even am I going to live....But I need a job before any of this happens!"

And with people around me gradually getting employed (which I'm more than excited and happy for them), it sometimes makes me feel like I'm failing at life.

After reading Sprinkle of Glitter's blog post of being inadequate. She wrote out everything that was inside my head. At times, I'm trying to do everything at once. I want the perfect flat, that's decorated exactly how I want, with a job (not the perfect one because I know and want to work my way up to that!), and everything else that goes with it. The whole package. And what I've realised is that, I'm 22. I don't need to have my whole life put together yet - that's what the rest of my life is for!

After we handed in our work, there were some tears - which could have been due to the fact we only had 2 hours sleep each (or 0 for some) - and it was quite sad and emotional, which I wasn't really expecting.

But it made sense. We finished a chapter of our lives that were worked so hard on, and were part of each others lives too. And for that chapter to end, made me feel like it was the beginning of the end. When actually, it's the beginning of the start.

Instead of feeling sad about not being a carefree student anymore, who does tequila shots every other Tuesday night, I'm going to be a working young woman, meeting new people, moving to new places, and continuing to learn new things - with still the occasional bit of tequila! Yes, that's right. A proper grown-up. (even if I'm drinking my tea out of a Tetris mug at this moment...)

And even though, through the sea of job applications I'm doing, which is scary and makes me nervous that I might never get a job and end up being a cat lady living in a box.... I know that's it's going to all work out.

I'm just starting out and I know I will get a job (especially with a job interview lined up - yay!), so for now, why not enjoy the free time that I've got?

Since I can't remember the last time I didn't have another piece of work, or project planned. I'm going to go see friends that I haven't done so for too long. I'm going to step away from the computer screen and read so many books that I started, but never had time to finish. I'm going to explore corners of this country that I haven't discovered yet, despite living here all my life. I'm going to start drawing again. I'm going to play the piano more. I'm going to indulge in it all, because at some point down the line, I'm going to wish I had to time to do all this.

I loved this degree - the city, the people, the work, and even the stressful times are now hilarious anecdotes (I cried at 4.45am over a fashion page I was designing. Ridiculous.) And I've left it with some amazing memories and some friends for life.

Sorry for this was a bit of a ramble. I haven't really had the time to think about general life stuff recently to be honest, and now that I have, it's all just kind of spilled onto this page, and it's kind of therapeutic, and I know I'll look back on this and read it with a smile.

Have you guys got anything new going on in your lives to look forward to?
(If you're going to uni, I slightly jealous and you're gonna have the best time!)

Hope you're all well,
Speak soon,
A.x